Reasons Why People Hurt Those They Love

Hurt love
October 26, 2020

While it may seem cruel to hurt someone you love, or those closest to us, the truth is that the people we love are more vulnerable and easy to hurt, even though it may happen without intention to. However, it does not rule out the fact that some people hurt others deliberately. Unfortunately, it is inevitable not to hurt those we love, making it an unpleasant part of life.

Approaching someone you hurt or someone who hurt you does not get any easier. However, it requires a bit of practice and getting used to overcoming the pain in such a situation. It is advisable to learn how to handle the case where you hurt someone you love.

Reasons People Hurt

It is possible to hurt someone you love without even realizing it. A simple act as being overprotective can lead to pain and suffering.

It should be disturbing that you hurt your loved one, but do not let this ruin your life. Acknowledge your role in hurting their feelings, ignoring or offending them and work on rectifying such errors. Your feelings of guilt may haunt you even when you are unsure or unaware of the wrong things you committed in some cases.

In such circumstances, openness is encouraged. It is the only way to start a conversation by asking what you did and begin the journey towards healing and redeeming relations that mean the most to you.

Acknowledge that you hurt someone you love. Taking the necessary steps to fix the situation is the best move. However, those who choose to hurt others deliberately will hardly feel any remorse. On the other hand, there are people who feel guilty and may harm themselves simply because they are overwhelmed by their emotions and feelings. It is never easy to hurt someone you love, more so if you did not do it on purpose.

Hurting Loved Ones

Different people hurt differently depending on how much they mean to the other person regarding their relationship and sensitivity. It explains why most children are affected by their parents more. People we care for and prioritize in life can cause a deeper hurt than a random person would. It is because we are emotionally invested in them.

While hurting someone you love accidentally is a part of an everyday, emotionally healthy life, people with mental disorders are not always in control of their emotions. Hence they may say or act incomprehensibly, confusing, and hurting the most precious people in their lives. It concerns people with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. While they may not intend to hurt you, their actions and words may still affect you.

When It Is Intentional and When It Is Not

People with mental disorders reflect their pain on their loved ones, which is understandable. But hurting someone intentionally in the process is different. It is when someone deliberately hurts you with their actions and remarks. These are actions of individuals who seem to take a targeted and cruel approach to hurt others. Unfortunately, such people also turn things around and pretend to be remorseful, seeking your forgiveness and getting away easily.

In case of such deep hurt from loved ones, analyzing the situation from their point helps ease the pain. Always think about why you may also hurt someone you love, and relate it to the person hurting you. Pause and consider why they seem to target you.

It could be due to the mental issues that should be addressed. It may also be due to feelings of psychological pain. Both cases must be approached with caution for the constant behavior to be fixed. As you establish a coping mechanism, try to convince the affected person to find help because such hurtful projections can only stop when they get professional help.

Suggestions on What to Do When Hurt

A person with mental issues may be unwilling to accept any help, for example, therapy to solve their problems. Unfortunately, they may keep causing more harm because it comes from an unexplained point. If you keep receiving this hurt, reaching out to a trained professional helps to put things in the right perspective. Consider engaging these experts via different channels, including live video chats, emailing, and even text.

Generally, though, several paths can be followed to help fix the situation. You can choose any approach, considering the situation at hand. You could talk to the person, try to help them, acknowledge their behavior, or find professional help.

Choosing to do a one-on-one follow up is one of the subtle moves you can make. In this case, you defend yourself and sort out the issues right away. Alternatively, you may decide to consider the individual’s feelings to understand why they choose to behave the way they do.

By paying attention and being observant, you may discover a few aspects that will help you make a better decision and even not be angry with the person’s behavior. Sometimes, the hurtful person may require more love and understanding to stop acting in this way.

Getting the Right Support

Experts come in handy in such situations. They will help you better appreciate emotions, preventing the accidental hurt likely to be inflicted on loved ones. The counselors guide the affected individuals and help deal with the feelings that arise when you hurt someone you love.

The experts are trained to help validate your feelings by not being judgmental. They will also teach you how to handle the situation where a loved one keeps causing you emotional pain by guiding your response and reactions to these feelings without making things worse or taking a retaliation move. When you know why people behave the way they do, then you can handle the issue better.

It is always possible to take control of a situation where you hurt someone you love. It is inevitable to hurt people every once in a while because this is part of life. However, the most important thing is to admit the mistakes and work on correcting them.

Kate Skurat

Kate Skurat

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Washington, United States

Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has worked in healthcare since 2017. She primarily treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, and grief, as well as identity, relationship and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience has focused on individual and group counseling, emergency counseling and outreach. Read more.

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