How to Move on Despite Having Strong Feelings for Your Ex

How to Move on Despite Having Strong Feelings for Your Ex
October 20, 2020

Before we get started, here are our key takeaways:

  • Moving on when you still have feelings for your ex is hard but achievable.
  • You need a positive mind, plus time to recover and move on after a heartbreak.
  • Moving on requires patience and dedication, especially if you had invested a lot in your past relationship.

Many factors make it hard for people to move on after being in a relationship for long. Some of these issues include having been together for years, love, each partner’s commitment towards building the relationship, and the value of the relationship in their life.

Unfortunately, not all relationships work, and there are times when your options are limited to parting ways. However, depending on the value the relationship was adding to your life, how much you had invested in terms of time, love, or feelings, the process is mainly not achievable overnight.

It is normal to find yourself thinking about your ex-partner a few days or weeks after a breakup. However, this can be considered a problem if the thoughts fail to leave your mind years after separation.

In such a situation, you might be holding onto something that, in most cases, won’t get back to you. So, to find the balance in life and remain focused on your future goals, you should consider moving on.

The process, like many other relationship-related issues, is better said than done. Unfortunately, this unhealthy clinging to something that’s equally lost might only cause depression. So, the first thing you ought to do is to understand the relationship and how the commitment existed.

Understanding the Relationship Bonds

When you are in love, seeking alternatives or moving on from something you hold dearly might seem impossible and feels like the end to many. After breakups, people might feel like they lost everything they had in the world, and, unfortunately, this ends up affecting their plans.

Whereas it is normal to feel the pain of losing a loved one, the situation shouldn’t end up affecting everything else, like your perception or thoughts about life. Moving on is important, and doing it quickly might be more beneficial.

However, you need to understand that the end of a relationship doesn’t mean an end to the feelings you had towards your partner – at least not instantly. Bear in mind that it takes months or years to create a strong relationship, and your daily efforts are mainly to support the feelings and love for each other.

The unswerving dedication, selflessness, and efforts towards your relationship result in what might look like a permanent connection. Therefore, if the relationship fails to stand during the trial times or gets through difficult times, you should remain patient and understand that it will take some time to get over everything you had built in years.

This choice will mainly relieve you of the pressure of moving on and enable you to find the strength to face the challenges as they arise. Grieve healthily but be patient as it will take time before everything is settled.

The process might be equally hard, but always bear in mind that it is possible to achieve it. For example, you may use online relationship counseling services. The professionals can help you overcome moving-on issues and other relationship-based problems with ease.

Find Closure

Understanding how and why the relationship transitioned to its current state is important, as it enables you to pause the blame game or stop feeling sorry for yourself. The situation is better if your ex-partner is willing to discuss the causes of separation, or at least he or she willingly tells you the reasons they called off the relationship.

Learning from your past mistakes is hard but equally beneficial. So, after learning why the relationship ended, try your best to avoid having similar challenges in your next relationship. Besides, knowing why a relationship ended can also improve your chances of building a long-lasting and healthy connection in the future.

Be Aware of Your Strengths and Make Good Use of Them

Moving on requires you to make good use of your exceptional skills and strengths, as it is mainly a portrayal of our normal human struggles. Work your level best and refrain from negative self-talk, as it will do you more harm than good.

Consult a professional if the situation gets tough for you, but don’t forget that you need to be positive and confident. Finally, therapy can help you learn the strengths and ways of applying them in a specific situation.

Come Up With Healthy Boundaries

Removing your ex-partner from your plans might be hard. In most cases, you can find yourself focusing on the missing part, anytime you do something you did together. However, it is highly important that you get over this and start thinking about your personal goals and start making solo decisions.

Bear in mind that the decision will mainly come out of willingness. Also, despite the pain you experience, here are some of the important and life-changing boundaries that you should set:

  • Only get in touch with your ex for the right reasons – one good reason to get in touch might be due to co-parenting issues.
  • Limit how you talk and interact with your ex-partner – flirting should be on the list of the things to avoid here.
  • Limit your physical actions when you are together.

Look for a Replacement

Although this might be hard, socializing with new people and having fun are some of the most important things to do after a breakup. These activities give you hope for life and help you to keep your mind off harmful and lonely thoughts.

This decision is particularly ideal after getting the perfect closure from your past relationship. However, be careful and don’t look for a replacement because you are desperate. Instead, focus on moving into new relationships that offer and add value to your life.

Frequently Asked Questions

Moving on from a relationship is a complicated topic. Many people have doubts concerning the process, benefits, and what comes next after moving on. Here are answers to some questions that you might have about moving on.

Is It Normal to Have Feelings for Your Ex-Partner?

Yes. It is normal to have such feelings, as love might be so strong on your side, and it also takes time to process and recover from breakups. Take time to grieve healthily, and ask for help anytime you need it.

Can Your Ex-Partner Fall Back for You?

Yes. It is normal, and there are many instances when ex-partners get back and continue building a strong relationship. However, this shouldn’t happen in the case of toxic and abusive relationships.

Should You Tell Your Ex That You Miss Them?

If you are looking for a clean breakup, it is always recommended to avoid emotional chats, as these can confuse. If you find yourself in such a situation, it is better to share your thoughts with a friend, a therapist, or someone you feel won’t end up complicating the breakup.

Final Thoughts

Moving on after a breakup is hard but possible. All you need is to take time to process the current situation and give yourself considerable time to recover. Additionally, you might want to consider cutting communication with your ex-partner, as thinking about them or making regular contact can affect the speed of recovery and keep the thoughts about your past relationship fresh. Finally, moving on when you still have feelings for your ex-partner is easily said than done so that you may benefit from some therapeutic assistance. Call us now and learn how our professional counselors can help you achieve a smooth transition towards a fulfilling relationship.

Kate Skurat

Kate Skurat

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Washington, United States

Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has worked in healthcare since 2017. She primarily treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, and grief, as well as identity, relationship and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience has focused on individual and group counseling, emergency counseling and outreach. Read more.

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