I Don’t Know Who I Am

I Don't Know Who I Am
October 26, 2020

At times, it is possible to take note of people who tend to take the persona of whoever they are with at a given time. Such people tend to change their behaviors, gestures, word usage, and perceptions, making you ponder who they are.

If you’ve got similar friends or close associates, their character change might have, at one time, compelled you to brainstorm on if you act like yourself unswervingly.  As a result, you might have found yourself thinking, “I don’t know who I am.”

How Social Pressure Can Make Us Lose Ourselves

From an early age, we learned about societal norms as well as expectations. These norms give us options and choices to pick from. Unfortunately, these norms and expectations can lead and have already led to some people losing themselves due to the pressure of adhering to these customs. The stress of adhering to the norms is mainly intensified by the rise in tech in our daily lives.

How Does Staying Joyful Relate to Being Yourself?

Everyone stays happiest when they remain true to themselves. Therefore, it is right to say that the easiest way of knowing if you are true to you is by checking how happy you are. Fear-dependent thoughts mainly compel us to act differently from who we are.

The reasons for this different acting might be: 

  • Rejection panic;
  • To avoid judgment;
  • Fear of failure;
  • Fear of rejection.

This fear of the overall outcome can make you have emotion-based reactions, irrespective of your belief. As a result, the responses compel you to stay far away from the person you truly are.

So, How Do I Know Who I Am?

Under this section, we will check at some of the ways you can use to know who you are through thoughts, words, and actions. Let’s get started.

Take Note of Negative Thoughts

Reflect on your thoughts and note if most of them are negative or positive. Having negative thoughts frequently might imply that you aren’t joyful, and you don’t like the person you are. Therefore, try your best to spend considerable time thinking about positive things that you mainly appreciate.

Stay Away from Outside Influences

Take note of the activities you engage in when you are with friends and family members. Do the undertakings make you happy? Also, be aware of your current financial situation. Note things that you can change at the moment and others that are only possibilities. Once you move in the desired or right direction, note how this bolsters your satisfaction and happiness.

Take Note of Your Core Believes and Values and Stand by Them

The process can be challenging, as many people mainly spend time following others’ beliefs after mistaking those beliefs and core values for theirs. Fortunately, you can learn how to identify your beliefs and abide by them. Therapists explain that many individuals follow others’ dogmas because they want to be loved and not because of believing in the core values and beliefs.

How Can I Get Support When I Don’t Know Who I Am?

If you find it hard identifying your core beliefs, seeking therapy help can be your ultimate option. When exploring your core values, the counselor can challenge your understanding of the modern world and see how your perspective is affected by common factors in the contemporary world.

The challenge enables the therapist to examine how well your core beliefs suit you or how well they work for you. In some instances, the counselor can ask you why you, at times, act differently from your beliefs. All in all, note that the therapist’s support, guidance, and explanation are assured throughout the process.

How to Handle Hardships Surrounding Your Core Values

Exploring and identifying your core beliefs might stir some past emotional memories, including: 

  • Childhood confusions;
  • Trauma;
  • Past dissatisfactions.

Having a counselor by your side might help you get through the difficult emotional journey and teach you how to deal with previous issues and handle your present with ease. You might have been relying on other peoples’ beliefs for long without knowing. Besides, setting and abiding by your standards now might seem extremely challenging.

However, note that setting and abiding by your standards can highly improve your connection with other people.

Understanding oneself strengthens one’s character. Besides: 

Standing out from the rest is mainly a result of understanding as well as treasuring your core beliefs. In turn, this enables you to embrace your personality and become your true self.

Viable Solutions When I Don’t Know Who I Am

At first, you might be scared or feel overwhelmed when you find yourself thinking, I don’t know who I am. This might be after going through a tough experience, failure to identify things that you enjoy, or failure to remember who you truly are.

Fortunately, below are some of the best things to do when you are in such a situation:

  • Start reconnecting with your emotions and beliefs;
  • Talk to a therapist or seek professional support.

The bottom line is, take considerable effort or actions to address the issue.

Also, learn how to know who you truly are through: 

  • Identifying and differentiating your happiness from other peoples’ expectations;
  • Experimentation with variable hobbies to learn what you like and what you borrowed from others;
  • Seeking therapeutic help to discover your true self or who you want to become.

Final Thoughts

Losing authenticity doesn’t last forever. There are multiple activities to engage in, which can help you rediscover your true self, including seeking professional therapeutic help, living a genuine life, and living with those who love and accept you for who you truly are. However, the most important thing to do after learning that you’ve lost touch with yourself is to take the necessary actions to address the issue.

Kate Skurat

Kate Skurat

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Washington, United States

Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has worked in healthcare since 2017. She primarily treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, and grief, as well as identity, relationship and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience has focused on individual and group counseling, emergency counseling and outreach. Read more.

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