Relationships are always evolving. It isnt uncommon to feel that your significant others feelings have suddenly taken an about-turn for the worse. However, when that change does happen unexpectedly, you are bound to start asking some serious questions. Fear not, though. Your girlfriend might not necessarily hate you or even harbor ill feelings towards you.
Hate is quite a strong word. Therefore, at this point, you have to wonder if you are exaggerating the emotion. As you start dating, the relationship is usually full of admiration, adoration, and romance. You may only focus on the best sides of the other person, ignoring all their flaws. Then things start to change, and the gloves start to come off.
In this first phase, people dating try to avoid conflicts at all costs. In the second phase, reality starts to settles in. If youre just fading from this first phase, you might be tempted to think it is hate when it isnt. If you are sure that hate is involved, there are two options that you may want to explore.
- Work on the relationship to change it, with the help of a therapist or a relationship counselor
- Check whether continuing the relationship is in your best interest
It isnt unusual to feel as if the love has started wearing thin, or that the other person doesnt like you anymore. It is usual for most relationships, and you shouldnt feel like a failure because of it. As you progress in the relationship, you can learn to be more open and honest with each other. It will help you avoid any such incidences in the future.
From this article, you will learn such important things:
- Dont assume that your partner hates you unless youve talked about the issue openly and honestly
- Relationships evolve, and there are bound to be rough patches in which either or all parties are on the edge
- Apologize and make sure you correct your shortcomings, too, to eliminate any hidden animosity
Hate Is Such a Strong Word
Firstly, you need to ask yourself why someone would be with you if they hate you. You wouldnt be in a relationship with someone you hate, right? But we know that it isnt as simple as that. Just because youre dating doesnt exempt you from the disappointments that people typically feel. Its important to keep in mind that conflict can be healthy for a relationship if you can find common ground.
Emotions will naturally begin to shift as the relationship progresses. It is where you have to start to assess both of your commitments. Did you both have a long-term commitment to the relationship?
It is important to be on the same page concerning where the relationships are going. Ego is an Achilles Heel for most of them. You both have to be willing to let go of any pride that stands in the way of communication.
Certain incidences in your relationship might cause you to think, My girlfriend hates me. If she continually derides you, talks down on you, or criticizes you, it may not be the ideal relationship for you. Your well-being is the most important thing to keep in mind. However, rarely will you be with a person who treats you like this.
It might be a single event or something out of the blues, in which case it is unlikely to be hate. Sometimes you cant offer solutions to the problems your partner faces. She can get irritated by you in the process. That doesnt mean she hates you. Communication is the only way to know where such feelings come from.
Have You Noticed Any Patterns?
Generally, ill-feelings dont just spring up overnight. If they do, chances are you did something knowingly or unknowingly that upset your girlfriend. If you are unaware of what you might have done, just be open and candid about it. Do this gently and with loads of love. Do not be condescending or the guy on the high road, otherwise you may end up driving her further away.
Keep in mind that after a few months of dating, youve barely scratched the surface of knowing your loved one. Patience is a virtue in such respects. Give your partner an open space to talk about their feelings, without being judgmental. Speak less and listen more, and it will accelerate the opening-up process. Healthy and unbiased conversations always lead to positive results.
If youve offered such an olive branch and theyre still unwilling to open up, it might point to something deeper. Maybe your partner feels they cant talk to you because you arent attentive or judgmental.
The issue can even have nothing to do with you. Still, as you can see, it is opening up a blind spot in your relationship because there is a lack of communication. Resentment may start to build, but it is far from hate.
Do something nice for your partner. Take her out on a date, buy a random gift, or sing a love song. Anything to cheer her up will do much good for your relationship. If youve noticed that she is irritable after work, it might be a situation related to the workplace. In this case, calm them down and inquire about whether anything affects her during their workday.
Theres a Pretty Good Chance That You Havent Been Paying Attention
If you dont pay attention to details, then ill-feelings from your significant other may start to build. Take an example: your girlfriend often asks you to sort the laundry before placing it in the washer. Shes been reminding you patiently for months to do it, but somehow, you always manage to mess up. Eventually, shell start to get frustrated with it and act out. On the other hand, you might think that it is something trivial and ignore it.
A relationship is full of gives and takes. Pay attention to everything that your girlfriend says and likes, even the smallest of details. Doing it will reduce the chances of agitation and promote a more open and honest relationship. Still, paying attention goes beyond mundane household tasks. Maybe youve stopped doing the things you used to.
Its easy for people to get too comfortable in relationships once they are past the initial romance phase. However, dont forget the little things that you used to do when you started dating. That road-trip or Friday night movie might just be the key you need to appease feelings and get your relationship oiled again.
Self-assessment is always a crucial part of making relationships work. What are the things that lit a spark in both of you at the beginning of your journey? What was the motivation behind the things you used to do?
If it was simply a short-term thing that you couldnt move past, chances are you will start to treat your partner differently. Mind that your girlfriend may be fully in love with you and will just act out how you treat her.
It May Be a Symptom of Deeper Psychological Issues
These deeper issues may not just be affecting your girlfriend. They may be affecting you, and your girlfriend is just reacting to your behavior. You (or your significant other) may be going through a slump in life. Maybe careers that are not fulfilling or a period of low morale and motivation. If not dealt with appropriately, it may lead to depression, which may start rubbing the other partner the wrong way.
When it comes to psychological issues, it is always important to put oneself in another persons shoes. For example, someone may suffer from low self-esteem stemming from their childhood experiences.
If you stop being sensitive to It, issues may creep back in, and either you or your girlfriend may act out in anger or spite.
Here are a few tell-tale signs to know whether you or your partner are falling into depression:
- Feelings of hopelessness and that life just isnt worth living anymore
- A drastic change in personality and an almost permanent shift in regular mood
- Being lethargic such that even the smallest tasks require too much energy
- Lack of appetite leading to increased weight loss and anorexia, or an over-indulgent appetite
- Change in sleep patterns, insomnia, or sleeping too much
- Loss of pleasure for usual hobbies and activities such as sex, reading, etc.
- Feeling worthless, shameful, or guilty for no apparent reason
These are just some of the symptoms to keep aware of. If depression goes untreated for long periods, it may eventually morph into something worse. Thats where the help of a licensed couples therapist comes in handy.
Couples Therapy Can Help Treat Depression and Reconnect With Your Partner
Your partner may be going through a period that makes them act out in anger or resentment. It doesnt mean that they hate you. Rather, it is usually a cry for help or attention. If you sense greater symptoms of depression are involved, therapy is always a good option.
No one aspires to commit to a relationship only to lose it all because of a small misunderstanding. Remember, involving a therapist early enough is a good place to start to mend any potential rifts. But the simplest way to solve such problems is to respond with love and kindness and engage in conversation. It will drastically improve your relationship and overall well-being.
Sign up with our service today and start seeing positive results. You can do it by filling in the request form and answering our profile questions. And remember, your partner probably doesnt hate you. You just need to open up, listen, or pay attention more.
Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has worked in healthcare since 2017. She primarily treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, and grief, as well as identity, relationship and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience has focused on individual and group counseling, emergency counseling and outreach.Read more