As social human beings, we follow social norms. They dictate how we interact with each other. We are taught social norms as children, and we grow up with them. It states the unwritten rules of how we behave. Conforming to these social norms makes us accepted in our social groups.
We are going to explore crucial points like how:
- Trying to fit into societal groups and conform to set norms can make you lose the sense of who you are
- How the desire to fit in can make you hide your inner behaviors and put you at war with yourself
- Why you need to find yourself and how to get a grasp of what defines you and avoid being swallowed by your social environment
Happiness in Being Yourself
Why bother trying to be yourself? Some may wonder what the purpose of trying to figure out yourself is. When you are trying to be somebody else to fit in a social group, it means you are not happy. True happiness comes when you are at peace with yourself. You have to learn how to love and accept yourself first.
Some of the familiar sources of happiness in life for other people include:
- Meaningful activities
Learning Being Yourself from Children
Happiness started when we were born. Children are born happy and try to perpetuate their happiness to the rest of the world. They receive feelings of happiness from their parents transmitted through body contact. Society does not play any role in their happiness. Childrens actions emanate purely from their imagination.
A child is the perfect example of the happiness that comes from being yourself. Try to emulate the life of a child. In case a child feels like dancing, not even their tiny legs can stop them. They will wiggle around, and that brings a smile on their face. They do not care about the current situation or how their actions might affect other people.
How to Be Yourself in Life
If you can find a rhythm between being yourself and playing your role in society, you will be a happy and all-rounded person. Some of the things you can try to accomplish this balance include:
Avoiding Negative Thinking
Negative feelings make us forget the happiness we have inside. We become lost in a world filled with negative thought and energy. We have to learn to break away from this circle through the power of positivity. Make it a habit to spend most of your days thinking of things in the positive light.
Separation from External Influences
It is the simple things in life that make a difference. It is important to ground ourselves to the simple things in life that make us happy. It might be spending time with our family and friends. Creating time for them might be the happiness that we seek in life.
Aligning Core Values
A major challenge most people face is selecting their own core values. Values make part of our identity and showcase what we stand for. Our selection of core values highlights our individual essence. The value system helps in guiding our behaviors while offering a personal code of conduct. Through abiding by the values, we get a sense of fulfillment in happiness.
Getting Support to Learn Being Yourself
What measures help in gauging our core values? Sometimes we often make it difficult to live up to the standards for the core values. Other times we end up adopting them of others that do not impact our lives. In-therapy shows that most people follow others core values so that they can be loved. It is not because you have faith in yourself.
It is where you need in-therapy to help to figure this out. Consulting a therapist is beneficial in forecasting some of the core values in your life. The therapist will push you into figuring out which core values matter most in your life. The sessions are open, with the therapist offering guidance and support through the path of re-discovery.
Uncovering Emotions Within Your Belief
Going through the process of self-discovery is not easy. It might end up unearthing some past disappointments in your life. Emotions are often mystifying to many people. The manifestation of our beliefs forms a large part of our unconscious being. Beliefs about our emotions affect our lives in different ways.
A therapist will help you in learning how to appreciate the effect of emotions. Emotions can help us recover from past upsets. It will prevent you from falling into a deep pool of anxiety and depression. Emotional regulation is a key concept you will learn in in-therapy. It will change your perceptions of events in your life that had a great impact.
Re-appraisal is a concept related to emotional regulatory strategies. It involves the reinterpretation of previous upsetting moments in your life that paints them in a positive light.
Besides, there are many strategies for handling ones emotions in life. For example, some common methods the therapist might suggest include expressive writing or the standard mindfulness meditation training.
The grounding you will receive from the therapist will help you in fostering your relationship with others. You will have a command of your beliefs without compromising on them to fit into a social group. You become unique and complete by having a deeper meaning of your true self.
Seizing the Day
When you have a clue about yourself, you become more open to take advantage of all the opportunities in your way. In case you have a chance to change your life, you should take a moment precisely.
Take chances present in your life without having to think about how it affects other people around you. Sometimes we sleep on opportunities that could change our lives because we want to please others.
The only way to achieve such fulfillment is by taking on such opportunities. How you handle the challenge will help you find yourself and tell those around you who you really are. You reach a certain level of fulfillment in taking charge of these moments. Therefore, do not hold back in case a new proposition presents itself in your life.
Sharing the New You With Others
The next hurdle in the process is learning how to re-introduce yourself back to your family and friends. Most people find it hard to go back to their original relationships that were not built on trust and genuineness. You start fearing how people will perceive the old you, and it leaves room for criticism.
Your previous relationships with the people you aimed to please come in question. You become uncertain whether they will accept the real you or judge the old you. It is obvious they will feel a slight change in your persona.
Your close friends will be shocked at the new attitude and the energy you bring around them. So, it becomes harder for people to learn how to relate to you. It is a matter of acceptance or rejection of the real you.
All in all, its important to surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are. The revelation of the real you shouldnt come as a surprise. It means you tried to fit into their circle. Now, its their turn to fit into yours. You can use this as a gauge to measure your true friendships in life. It might take some time to get accustomed to the new you, but real friends are willing to accept you first.
Knowing the people who accept you for who you are takes you to another level of confidence. You become aware of the people who surround you. You build meaningful relationships while separating acquaintances from real friends. It is easier to maintain healthier relationships with the people you are close to.
The journey to finding yourself will definitely be fraught with questions and uncertainties. Many people who walked the path before also had questions that can sometimes be very similar to what you have. The most popular include:
What If I Do Not Know Who I Am?
The journey to find out who you are is not easy. The element of fear slowly creeps in when you cannot tell who you are. One important question that you need to ask yourself is what makes you genuinely happy.
It closely relates to what is dear to your personal core values in life. Take a step back and consider some of the dreams you had while being younger. You can think of what makes you currently happy in your pursuit of happiness.
How Do I Find Out Who I Really Am?
The first step in finding out who you are is separating yourself from societal expectations and normative roles that befall you. Once it is out of the way, you get a clear picture of the inner person moving forward. It can prove to be a daunting task, especially when you are accustomed to pressure from family and friends.
It is essential to gauge whether your decisions are a product of your own or influenced by other people around you. Get involved in different activities to find out what makes you tick. Consult a therapist to help you with the discovery journey.
Do you want to create your own core values to guide your life? Calmerry offers the best in-therapy sessions to help you in your path to discovery. Learn more about how to align your core values to achieve fulfillment with a therapist.
Fill a request form with our various therapy services and take charge of your wellness. Calmerry is a growing online therapy platform with licensed counselors ready to lend a helping hand. Take charge of your wellness today with us!
Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has worked in healthcare since 2017. She primarily treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, and grief, as well as identity, relationship and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience has focused on individual and group counseling, emergency counseling and outreach.Read more