“I hate my boyfriend.”
If you’re currently feeling hatred towards your boyfriend, you may think your relationship is over. However, as many people will tell you, it happens a lot, especially if you’ve been dating for a while. Some days you love him, and other days you can’t stand him because of something he has done.
However, sometimes, your feelings may be more serious. Therefore, it’s crucial to understand why the thought “I hate my boyfriend” can’t leave your mind. Is it because you don’t love him anymore? Did he do something that upset you? Can the issue between you and your boyfriend be fixed?
Your answers to these questions will provide a clear path on what action to take next. However, before you make any decisions, consider doing the following.
Talk to Your Boyfriend
Most ladies who say, “I hate him,” bottle all their emotions inside and don’t talk to their boyfriend. If you’re sailing in the same boat, you’re probably thinking, “I don’t think I love my boyfriend anymore.” It’s only natural to feel this way, especially if your boyfriend has offended you. However, you shouldn’t make conclusions about your relationship before talking to him.
Tell him you have an issue that has been bothering you and you’d like to talk about it. When he makes time to have the conversation, don’t hide anything. Tell him what your issue is and wait for their response. If he is serious about you, he’ll want to clarify the situation.
However, if your boyfriend gaslights you into feeling like you’re not justified to feel as you do, it may be over. Your relationship may not be right for you. Even if he disagrees with your point of you, he should show some understanding.
Consider What Triggers the Emotion
Most people who say, “I think I hate my boyfriend,” don’t always feel this way. You may find that you hate your boyfriend when he does something wrong. For instance, you may feel like you hate him when he cancels your plans just to hang out with the guys. In such a case, you don’t really hate him. You hate your boyfriend’s lack of attention and ability to prioritize you.
Therefore, before you take any action, you should monitor your feelings. When do you feel you hate him the most? Once you’ve figured this out, you can find a solution. In our example, you can talk to your boyfriend and express how you feel when he doesn’t prioritize you. A mature man will make changes so that you don’t feel that way.
Focus On What You Love About Him
“I hate him, but I think I also love him.”
It’s not unusual to feel this way. It happens a lot, especially among couples who have been dating for a long time. In the early stages of your relationship, you couldn’t stand being apart. These are regarded as the honeymoon stages of the relationship. You love each other so much that you can do without everyone else.
Things get different when you get used to each other’s presence. Then you’ll notice some of his bad habits more, and if you’re together a lot, that feeling of annoyance may start feeling like hate. It’s not. In such a case, you need to try and spend a bit of time apart from your boyfriend and focus on the things you love. There’s a great chance he’s still the love of your life.
Be Honest with Yourself
Sometimes you may feel like you hate your boyfriend because you’ve fallen out of love with him. It happens. You’re not a bad person for falling out of love with him. However, it wouldn’t be fair to keep leading him on. If you no longer love him or you’re in love with someone else, it’s worth mentioning it.
However, you need to be careful about how you approach such a discussion. You can’t jump right into saying, “I hate you” or “I don’t love you anymore.” Be gentle and mind their feelings. After all, he is human too. Just explain that you’re not as emotionally involved in the relationship as you were before. It may not be easy, but it’s better than staying in a loveless relationship.
Take a Break
If you’ve been feeling like you hate your boyfriend for some time and you’re not ready to let him go, it may be time to take a break. As we’ve mentioned, spending too much time together can put a strain on your relationship and make you focus on all the wrong things. If this is where you are, consider taking a break from the relationship.
However, don’t just leave without saying anything. Express your concerns and talk to your boyfriend about a break. You should, however, be prepared for things to go south. Your boyfriend may not want the break and may prefer to break up. Are you ready for that?
Alternatively, you can take a solo vacation to think about things. With this approach, you don’t have to make your boyfriend feel like you’re clocking out of the relationship. Besides, you get to give yourself enough time to think things through and make a rational decision.
Seek Professional Help
If you’re having serious issues in your relationship that can’t be fixed with a quick conversation or break, seek expert help. A licensed psychologist provides a safe space for both you and your boyfriend to air the issues you have. Besides, attending online therapy is a good sign. It shows the willingness of both parties to save the relationship.
However, before you make this decision, ensure you’ve spoken about it with your boyfriend. The last thing you need is for him to feel ambushed. It may also be a good idea to talk to a therapist alone if you’re not ready for couples counseling. The therapist will help you deal with your feelings and make the right decision for yourself.
Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has worked in healthcare since 2017. She primarily treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, and grief, as well as identity, relationship and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience has focused on individual and group counseling, emergency counseling and outreach.Read more