- The parent-child relationship becomes tense during the teenage years.
- Tension is caused by the teenager’s self-realization and discovery of unique preferences.
- Family therapy is a great tool for dealing with the anger and anxiety caused by the changes.
All teenagers reach a point where they ask, “Why do my parents hate me, and what can I do?” For most people, adolescence signals the start of an emotionally charged period in their lives. For a few years after that, they become more convinced that their parents do not love them.
During adolescence, teenagers begin seeking autonomy. Even though their childhood was great, at some point, teenagers grow distant from their parents. Separating from parents is a natural process that should be encouraged. It prepares teenagers for adulthood. During the process, teenagers develop their ideas, preferences, likes, dislikes, and opinions on various matters. The transition can be rough for both parents and teens.
It is not easy for your parents to let you go. They have spent a large part of their lives loving, protecting, and guiding you. They have instilled their values in you because they want the best for you.
As you go through the period of self-realization, you might depart from your parents’ values. On the other hand, your parents will reinforce their authority and try to get you back in line. It will cause a conflict, and you might think that your parents hate you, although it is not true.
Are you convinced that your parents hate you because they do one or more of the things listed below? You might want to understand the reason behind your parents’ behavior.
“My Parents Force Their Values On Me”
Up until this point in your life, your parents have dictated most parts of your life. They have introduced you to their religion, way of dressing, and social circles. They have chosen which instrument you should play and which sports you should engage in.
Now, you may have new interests. You prefer a different way of dressing. Perhaps, you want to pick up a new sport. Your parents are against it. They want you to stick to what they chose for you because they believe it was the best choice.
Although they may not say it, they are pushing their values because they think it is the best thing to do. To show them that what you want is also good, try sharing some parts of your life with them. Take them to watch a game and help them see why you are interested in the sport.
“My Parents Always Compare Me To My Sibling/Peers”
“Why can’t you be like…” This statement elicits a lot of resentment from most teens. If your parents are constantly comparing you to someone else who is more successful, you will feel vulnerable.
Sometimes, while trying to motivate you, your parents might compare you negatively to others. They probably do it out of frustration because they wish you could do better. Negative comparisons are hurtful and demotivating.
Bear in mind that your parents are human with weaknesses. On a regular day, when everything is calm at home, approach them, and let them know how you feel about the negative comparisons. Show them that you may not be as good as your siblings in math, but you are more interested in sports.
“My Parents Always Boast About Themselves”
“When I was your age…” Does this sound familiar? Parents often boast about their teenage years while trying to motivate their kids to do better. They might say how perfect their grades were, how helpful they were around the house etc.
Being forced to live up to an unrealistic standard can frustrate you. You probably want to become different from your parents and have a unique identity. Instead of acknowledging this, your parents might constantly tell you to be like them.
Although it might be irritating, try to think about where your parents are coming from. They think that their way of living is the best because they have more real-life experiences than you. Share some parts of your life with them to show them that your way works too.
“My Parents Took Away My Phone”
Some parents take away privileges or favorite items as a way of punishing their kids for doing something wrong. Because you are always on your phone, your parent will see it as a favorite item and take it away to teach you a lesson. It hurts because your phone is your connection to the outside world.
First, you should acknowledge that your actions will get some reaction from your parents. With this in mind, approach your parents and express your remorse. If you believe that the punishment was not justified, do not hesitate to let them know.
Taking away your phone is similar to locking you up in solitary confinement with no way to get out. It hurts, but you do not let your frustration drive you to rebellion. Instead, try to calm down and have an honest conversation with your parents to explain your side of things.
“My Parents Always Complain About My Academic Performance”
The pressure to perform well in school can be overwhelming. Sometimes, parents have very high expectations that are hard to live up to. Failing, letting your parents down, and feeling like you are not good enough are all heavy burdens to live with.
If you feel that no matter how hard you try, your effort is unappreciated, you might want to talk to your parents about it. Some parents cannot see your point of view and force you to study even hard because that’s what they did when they were your age.
Talking to any adults in your life might offer some relief. If all else fails, request your parents to sign you up for therapy. Let them know that the pressure to perform is overwhelming, and you need someone to help you cope.
“My Parents Never Let Me Date or Hang Out With Friends”
As a teenager, you will find many people attractive. Your newfound sexuality will be a source of concern for your parents. To deal with it, your parents may confine you at home or limit the hours you spend with others after school.
You might feel lonely and left out because all your friends get to hang out together while you are stuck at home. Ask your parents to let you have friends over. If they meet the people you like, they might be more willing to let you go out.
Most parents fear letting their teenagers socialize with bad friends. Show them that your friends are good people, and your parents will worry less about you falling into bad company.
“My Parents Are Verbally Abusive”
When parents are upset, they lose control and resort to irrational behavior. They might insult you and hurt your feelings by saying terrible things. When it happens several times, you might start internalizing these insults and believing that you are what your parents call you.
There is no excuse for verbal abuse. It is a sign that your parents do not know how to deal with their emotions and make you suffer for it. Try your best not to take these insults as a reflection of who you are.
Talk to any adults in your life about the verbal abuse that you are experiencing. They might intervene and improve the relationship with your parents. If you can, have your family attend a family therapy session to help deal with abusive relationships.
“My Parents Hit Me”
Nobody deserves to get hit for any reason. If your parents are hitting you, talk to a trusted adult. Hitting is not okay because it shows that your parents are not managing their anger appropriately. Therapy is needed to help them with anger management. You should also have a few sessions to help you deal with the trauma of physical abuse.
Surviving Your Teenage Years
Your life will change a lot throughout your teenage years. As your body changes and you develop a unique identity, there will be a lot of emotional and mental changes that may seem chaotic. What’s more, growing apart from your parents might be hard to deal with.
Here is what you can do to improve your relationships with your parents:
- Let your parents into your life to help them understand the new you.
- Share with them your new hobbies and interests so that they can put their fears to rest. If they see how passionate you are about something new, they might not be so opposed to it.
- Allow them to meet your new friends.
- Learn how to communicate effectively. Most teenagers express how they feel in the heat of an argument. Because the moment is tense and emotional, their parents might not respond well to these feelings.
- Always find a calm moment to have an honest conversation; it will have better results.
- Take a break when you are feeling overwhelmed. Listen to music, take a walk, or spend some time alone in meditation.
Getting some time to process your emotions instead of talking in anger and frustration will help. When you approach your parents calmly, they are more likely to listen to you.
Seeking Professional Help
If you are convinced that your parents hate you, and nothing you are doing to fix it is working, you should get therapy. Talking to a counselor will help you work through the emotions you are feeling. If possible, you can take your parents with you for a family counseling session.
We offer online counseling for teenagers who are not getting along with their parents. Our licensed counselors help people to navigate the anger and anxiety that are caused by family arguments. We offer text, video, and phone therapy to clients from different locations.
Because our efficient support team is always at hand to answer any questions you may have about our service, you can get help at any time of the day. We are discreet and timely, so you should not have to struggle with your feelings any longer.
If you ready to improve yourself using our family counseling service, call us now to get connected to a licensed therapist who will help you.