How to Stop Thinking About Someone

What Makes You Constantly Preoccupied with Someone - calmerry
September 16, 2020

Being occasionally preoccupied with your darling, an ex-lover, or a former spouse is normal. The same applies to someone you’ve just met or one you’ve never come across physically. However, the thin line that divides thinking about someone acceptably from obsessing is crossed when your thoughts become entirely occupied by this person.

Unlike thinking about someone healthily, obsession is addictive and more destructive. It makes it hard for you to interact with and handle those within your space. Besides, it even undermines your capability to tackle daily tasks.

If you discover that you’re fixated on someone and can’t seem to cease, you’re likely obsessing. Here’s more on this feeling and the actions to take.

What Makes You Constantly Preoccupied with Someone?

What Makes You Constantly Preoccupied with Someone

A crush is sure to get you fixated on a person from time to time. While crushes are a regular experience during teenage-hood, they can also manifest in adult years. Crushes/ infatuations are particularly intense if you can’t talk to, ask, or date someone you’re spellbound about. Some hindrances, such as being married, long-distance, and shyness, can lead to a stronger captivation.

It’s common for persons to have a crush on those who hold them in contempt. In such a scenario, the desire to prove one’s worth before the crush develops into an obsession.

The Thin Divide Between Crushing and Obsessing

In the context of crushing, you are preoccupied with an individual lightly. It could be anyone from a romantic partner to a past lover and other people who have impacted your life. However, when you begin to ruminate about someone continually, you cross the line from having a crush to obsessing.

When you’re obsessed, you can’t cease from wondering about someone for long. As such, these thoughts slowly creep up and take over your life. An obsession will often yield more unhealthy habits and conditions such as stalking, physical abuse, and psychological issues.

The Reason Behind an Obsession

When obsessing, it’s because you feel that someone possesses what you need, and their companionship will make your life better. An essential thing to do to get back your life is to begin filling your mind with thoughts of you. Examine the aspects that require fixing and gauge whether fixing them can improve your existence. If you discover otherwise, then your obsession is likely to result from an innate matter.

Relationship-centered obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD) is yet a known trigger for obsessions. This condition is experienced by individuals who are still in a relationship.

Often, persons who battle this condition struggle to find their value and that for their spouses. Moreover, they always doubt the seriousness of their romantic connection. Periodically, the affected person might ask questions such as “Are you still in love with me?” and still will not get convinced by a “Yes” response.

What Can You Do If You Can’t Cease Your Fixation?

What Can You Do If You Can't Cease Your Fixation

Familiarizing yourself with ways of stopping your attachment to someone or even items is vital for leading a healthy life. Doing this helps us move failed romantic partnerships, toxic friendships, abusive relatives, and other unhealthy relationships.

However, letting a person slip from your mind can be quite challenging if you do not how to begin or what actions to take. To help, here are proven ways of getting rid of such thoughts quickly.

Decide and Act

You have to decide that you’re ready to move on from someone. Even if you aren’t, it’s advisable to make this decision. Remember, some of the ideal choices are made prematurely, at times.

Don’t Try to Not Think of the Person

At the risk of sounding contradictory, it’s an action you have to take. As you endeavor to remove someone from your thoughts, the more they linger around. With time, you will get exhausted and end up thinking about the person all over again.

It would be sensible if you desisted from fighting the urge to wonder about the person on your mind. After all, working so hard to mute your memories of them means that you are still preoccupied.

Whenever the memories of such a person sneak into your brain, accept them, and consciously direct your imagination elsewhere. You could start thinking about things that elate your mood, such as financial goals. The point is to put positive thoughts in the place of your negative ones.

Seek Closure

Find a means of attaining closure and see it through. Consider crafting and sending a final text. Importantly, after taking the appropriate action, remember to move on to the next chapter of your existence. Crying about the lost relationship can also give you closure.

Take Time Away from the Person

It’s bound to be challenging to forget someone that you see often. You have to take a reasonable break from them to start a new life. If you are always thinking about a person you’ve just started dating, try limiting your meetings. For example, you could decide to go on dates once in a fortnight to avoid going overboard.

Cease Internet-Stalking

You do not want to receive a sequence of notifications about someone you are trying to overcome. It is best to consider unfollowing, unsubscribing from, and unfriending their accounts to avoid sending yourself in a tailspin.

Do not check their social media to see who they are with, as this will harm your progress significantly. Also, do not post about them, even the bad things, as you can start having unpleasant flashbacks. You can eliminate the temptation to do this by blocking such people on social media. If necessary, you can go on to block their close friends and acquaintances too.

Remember, in this case; social media can come to your advantage. It could provide an avenue for you to reach out to people who bring positivity into your life. From your other social media acquaintances, you can access motivational videos, advice, and experiences that help you as you battle to overcome an individual.

Fix Your Imperfections

If you’re holding on to a person because they are an excellent distraction from the issues you are battling, consider doing this. Take time to think about the aspects of your life that need working on, and start turning them around. Doing this will aid you in dealing with your problems and also heal your attachment to a distractor.

Eliminate Possessions that Awaken the Past

Physical items can cause your road to ridding your memories of someone to be tough. So, despite your attachment, gather strength from within and let go of such belongings. You could toss in the garbage can, or better yet, donate them to charities. As the days go, your sentimental bond to an abuser, ex-lover, or relative is weakened, ultimately granting you freedom.

Observe the “No Contact Rule”

There’re instances when you experience an overbearing urge to converse with someone you want to cut off. When this time comes, remember, do not give in! Stick to this semi-official law, now, more than before.

Do not give in to your need to correspond. Avoid reaching such people either electronically or by mail. Also, keep away from locations where you’re likely to bump into each other, be it the mall or restaurant.

If contacting such a person is necessary, say for financial, child affairs, and other vital matters, find an intermediary. This third party will deliver both of your messages.

Partake in Tasks that Don’t Involve the Person

Participating in activities that do not include the person you wish to cut off is an excellent way to overcome them. You could start or join a new club or pursue your hobby. Focusing on work and hanging out more with friends and family are also excellent activities to keep you occupied.

Avoid Alcohol or Drugs

Avoid Alcohol or Drugs.

Amid the overwhelming, unresolved matters you have with someone, you might consider cleansing your mind fast with alcohol or drugs. While they might work for a short duration, these substances will inevitably worsen your situation.

Besides, alcohol and drugs are known to undermine your restrictions and make it simpler to call or message someone you intend to eliminate from your existence. In turn, you return to the drawing board and begin the journey of overcoming them afresh.

Let the Blame Stay Where It Is

If the person you wish to forget is responsible for the wrongs, cease any sanctifying attempts. Do not reconsider what they’ve done, and blame yourself or feel guilty. Accept their mistake as theirs and work on eliminating them from your life with a clear conscience.

Forgive & Forget

This piece of advice might seem quite challenging to many, but it is paramount. Even if the person committed the worst kind of wrong, forgive them for your sake. Dwelling on the anger or hate that they invoke will make it trickier to overcome them.

Is the Person on Your Mind Thinking about You?

When you think about someone all the time, it’s normal to feel the urge to know if they also think about you. Luckily, you just might be right, and they are thinking of you, as well. After all, people tend to get the same feelings they give off.

Nonetheless, it helps to note that this won’t be the case if the other person does not feel the same way you do. If you are in a romantic relationship with the person you are always thinking about, then there’s a high chance that they also think of you when you do the same.

Remember, being unable to stop thinking about someone is not the same as obsessing over them. The latter is a mental issue that needs to be addressed fast. If left unchecked, this condition can lead to more severe consequences such as stalking.

Often, people in romantic partnerships do not think about each other as much. Nonetheless, it’s normal for partners to want to understand whether their initial attraction still exists. As such, they might start thinking about each other from time to time.

What Shows Someone Is Thinking About You?

What Shows Someone Is Thinking About You

When you spend most of your time thinking about someone, you’ll be curious to determine whether they think about you. If that is the case, below are some things that show the person is always thinking about you.

  • They often send you messages;
  • They call you to find out how you are doing;
  • They tell others about you;
  • They check your statuses, posts, and captions on social media;
  • They get jealous when you give your attention and time to others;
  • People around them will tell you.

It’s important to note that while these are signs that show someone is thinking about you, it helps to differentiate thinking from obsessing. This way, you can determine the best course of action to ensure an issue-free life.

Will Therapy Help Me Forget Someone?

If you’ve tried the above tips but cannot forget a specific person, then it is time to make an appointment with a therapist. These professionals are adequately trained and knowledgeable on how to handle unhealthy attachments and sentiments towards people. Most of the time, they will reveal innovative approaches to tackling your obsession that you’ve never come across.

Licensed therapists will guide you accordingly as you learn more about your feelings and thoughts about someone you can’t overcome. Conveniently, thanks to various technologies, you can access this useful therapy from your home’s comfort. This new way of accessing support from trained professionals is commonly known as online/ web/ internet therapy.

Final Thoughts


To wind up, here are some important takeaways:

  • A crush or an obsession can cause you to think about someone all the time;
  • You can manage your crush or obsession by taking appropriate action;
  • Controlling a crush on someone is a sure way of avoiding obsession.

Whether you can’t stop being fixated on a new crush, an ex-lover, or someone you barely dated, you can always get your life back. Making an appointment with one of our experts, starting your sessions, and sticking through to the end is a sure way to overcome your obsession issues.

Get started with therapy now.

Kate Skurat

Kate Skurat

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Washington, United States

Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has worked in healthcare since 2017. She primarily treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, and grief, as well as identity, relationship and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience has focused on individual and group counseling, emergency counseling and outreach. Read more.

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