When you walk down the aisle to marry the girl of your dreams, you can’t help but have a “forever” feeling in mind. It is the person you’re going to share life and grow old with. It never occurs to any couple that the love they share may fizzle out.
It happens. Marriage is challenging. As you go through the relationship, you’ll argue with your wife about different things. In a healthy relationship, you’ll find ways to resolve the dispute and move forward. However, not all disagreements are easy to fix.
Sometimes, you go for days or weeks without talking to each other. You may also start feeling like she’s drifting away from you and falling out of love. It can be disheartening, but it’s not unusual.
Is your wife acting distant? Do you suspect she’s falling out of love? It’s a signal your relationship needs some work. Observe the signs below and make changes.
My Wife Doesn’t Love Me – How to Confirm Your Suspicions
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married — you can’t read your wife’s mind. Even if you suspect she’s fallen out of love with you, you can’t be sure unless she confirms it. However, because you know her well, you’ll notice differences in her behavior.
If she’s displaying any of the following signs, it’s an indication you should start working on mending your relationship.
- Not opening up a lot: if you’re used to hearing details about her life, and she’s not doing it anymore, she’s drifting;
- Treats you differently: she’s cold or doesn’t want to interact with you as she did before;
- Your wife is always busy: every time you try to do something together, she makes up an excuse;
- Unfaithfulness: cheating is a red flag and a sign she falling out of love with you;
- She’s not involved: she no longer cares what you’re up to or where you are;
- Your wife no longer argues with you: if she doesn’t care whether or not you resolve issues, she may not be invested in the relationship;
- No consideration for your feelings: if she doesn’t consult you anymore and does only as she wants, your relationship could be in trouble.
To conclude that your wife doesn’t love you anymore, you must have seen one or more of these signs. Nonetheless, you should not consider your assumptions as facts. Your wife may be showing some of these signs because she is going through a tough period of life. The only way to find out if she still loves you is to ask her and discuss it.
How to Win Her Back and Rekindle Your Love
It’s normal to hit a rough patch in your marriage. All couples get there at some point in their relationship. You feel like your partner isn’t as in love with you as she was before. Before you decide your relationship is over, consider rekindling the flame.
Chances are your wife is overwhelmed with the challenges in your relationship. Therefore, there’s a great chance of fixing the issue. So don’t give up! Use the following tips to get her love back.
Don’t Jump into Conclusions
When your wife is showing signs that they no longer love you, it’s easy to conclude the relationship is over. You may also be tempted to retaliate. Resist the temptation. Even though you’ve lived with her for a long time and know her well, you can’t tell for sure what she’s feeling in some situations.
Before you take any action, speak to your wife. Express your concerns and find out what she’s feeling. This way, you’ll be able to decide how to address this problem. Besides, you may find that she’s troubled by something that has an easy fix. So don’t assume you know where her head is at before having a conversation with her.
Consider Your Contribution to the Situation
It’s easy to assign blame in a relationship. If you’re experiencing issues in the marriage, your first instinct may be to assume that there’s someone else. However, you need to remember that a relationship is a team sport. If something is amiss, you’re both responsible because it only works if you both do your part.
Therefore, before you blame her for the current state of your relationship, try to figure out your contribution. Have you been absent? Have you denied her attention? Which areas could you improve on to make the situation better?
Be the Bigger Person
If you’ve had disagreements, you’ll see a lot of the signs above. Most probably, your wife is upset. Therefore, she’ll not want to be close to you and may even be indifferent. It often happens in any family.
Giving her the silent treatment and hoping she apologizes won’t fix things. If she is displaying most of the signs in the list above, there’s a high likelihood she is more affected. Be the bigger person and try to resolve the conflict before it gets out of hand.
Start Dating Her Again
One of the mistakes married couples make is paying less attention to each other after the wedding. Most people no longer have date nights and don’t prioritize the little things. If you’re sailing in the same boat, it may be time to kick it up a notch.
Don’t wait for Valentine’s Day to get your wife flowers and chocolate. Do it randomly. Send her flowers and romantic texts at work. Take her out to dinner for no reason. Remember the things you did while courting her and recreate some of your memories.
If she can’t stop talking about your first date, take her back to that spot and make new memories. When you do it, you remind her why she fell in love with you. She’s more likely to change her behavior towards you when there’s a sign of hope.
Shower Her with Love
Everyone has a different love language. According to Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages,” people show love in various ways. It’s possible she is not feeling loved because you’re not expressing her love language.
Therefore, take a leaf from Chapman’s book and consider the following way of expressing love:
- Gifts: you don’t have to go overboard — gift her will little surprises to affirm your love;
- Words of affirmation: don’t just show her you love, say it in words face to face or in written format;
- Physical touch: hug her, hold her hand, cuddle, and ensure she feels your presence;
- Quality time: do things she loves or take vacations together;
- Acts of service: anticipate her needs and find a different way to make her work easier at home and in your relationship.
These are some of the ways to express your love. However, don’t expect it to be easy. It takes a lot of willpower to show love to someone who isn’t reciprocating. However, keep in mind why you’re going through all the trouble — to save your marriage and rekindle your love.
If you had an argument recently, it might take a while before you get things back to normal. Therefore, don’t expect it to happen overnight. Keep trying to express your love for her. However, don’t just start doing things without addressing the root cause of the problem.
If your wife has opened up, try to remedy the situation first. If it was your fault, apologize and find out what it will take to get her to forgive you and move forward. Also, accept that it may take some time before she forgives you and expresses her love towards you.
Consistency Is Key
When trying to win their partner’s affection back, most people go overboard. They take them out on dates, offer foot rubs, and even do whatever they need to feel comfortable. There’s nothing wrong with doing any of these things.
The trouble comes in when you stop doing it because you got what you wanted. Once your wife has started showing affection towards you, don’t stop work on the relationship. Otherwise, you may end up where you started.
Compliment and Appreciate Her
Compliments and appreciation go a long way when you’re trying to rekindle her love for you. Don’t be indifferent to what she does for you every day. If she does your laundry, makes your dinner, and ensures the household is running smoothly, praise it.
Also, drop random compliments here and there to make her feel admired. Women love to be seen and appreciated. So, when you see she’s looking hot in that dress, use your words!
When All Your Attempts Don’t Work
Sometimes, no matter what you do, your wife will still act indifferent towards you. She may do so if she’s having a hard time moving past what got her there. In such situations, consider seeing a relationship counselor. Therapists are trained to guide you through relationship issues and help you improve the situation. Family issues are challenging but it’s possible to find a solution.
Also, remember the following key takeaways when you decide to work on your marriage:
- Don’t jump into conclusions: ask her if your suspicions are true;
- Be patient and shower her with love;
- Consider seeing a therapist if your efforts don’t bear fruit.
If you’re considering relationship counseling, take a survey at Calmerry. We’ll connect you to a licensed counselor to guide you on how to improve your relationship.
Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has worked in healthcare since 2017. She primarily treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, and grief, as well as identity, relationship and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience has focused on individual and group counseling, emergency counseling and outreach.Read more