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Dealing with Anger

Do you fume when your child does not obey your instructions? Do you get to feel like hitting the wall when your phone doesn’t work? Well, anger can lead us to do bad things. It can easily get the better of someone who doesn’t know how to control it.

If you have anger issues, you need to learn to control it to avoid misfortunes. With proper anger management, you can save relationships and improve your health.

3 key points from this article that we will discuss:

  • Anger is a natural and healthy reaction that we should learn to manage
  • Anger, if not well-managed, can affect your health and break relationships
  • A therapist can help you cope with anger issues

What Is Anger?

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Anger is a natural and healthy reaction to provocation or certain situations. For every person, the causes of this reaction can be many. However, if not well-expressed and managed, anger can be a big problem, which can affect one’s life.

Why Am I Always Angry?

Anger doesn’t happen on its own. It is always attached to another emotion. These emotions may result from different triggers, including:

  • Lack of enough sleep
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Deceit
  • Concern
  • Feeling threatened
  • Frustrations
  • Feeling disrespected
  • Unfair treatment
  • Grief
  • Past traumatic events

While lots of stuff and situations can make people irritated, the ones highlighted above are the main triggers.

How Do People Show Anger?

We are all different and have unique ways of expressing anger. Some people keep to themselves when angry, whereas others get physical and hit anything and everything around them. Below are some common ways people show their anger.

  • Making threats
  • Ignoring other people
  • Hitting things and people around
  • Distance themselves from people
  • Shouting and name-calling
  • Screaming or yelling
  • Abusing substances like alcohol

Is Anger Healthy?

We all feel irritated from time to time. It is okay to feel anger, but there’s always a thin line between healthy anger and having problems with it.
Anger is healthy if you can control it. For instance, a minor aggravation should not be a reason to react with extreme temper. If your anger escalates to an extreme rage upon minor provocations, then there is a problem.

When Does Anger Become a Problem?

It can be hard to tell if anger has become a problem. Most people do not realize they have temper issues, or at least they do not accept it.

Do small provocations make you easily offended? Are you angered more often than you should? If you’ve answered “yes” to all of these questions, then you have anger problems.
Research shows that 1 out of 10 Americans have anger issues and do not know how to deal with them. People who cannot manage their anger do not know how toxic and damaging it can be to themselves and the people around them.

It’s imperative to address temper quickly and healthily because when you hold it in for long, it can cause health problems like high blood pressure, depression, and heart disease. Unresolved anger can also break relationships, intimidate others, or even hurt them physically.

Signs of Anger Problems

The reason most people with anger problems can’t cope with it is that they have not accepted that they have a problem. They usually can’t see that their anger is out of the ordinary. So, how can you tell if your anger is not normal? Below some of the signs you should look out for.

  • When anger occurs too frequently, with strong intensity, and lasts long
  • If you become angry almost every day
  • If your anger affects your social life. Has your anger affected your relationship with loved ones, friends, or colleagues? If so, then that is a sign of bad temper
  • Getting violent, harming others, and damaging property whenever you are angry
  • Being unable to control your temper

If you spot the above signs, it’s best to seek help on how to deal with your rage. Learning to manage your anger early enough can save you some trouble.

How Can I Manage Anger?

Anger can put you into trouble easily or cause a lot of damages. Anger management is essential to assist you in avoiding all these kinds of problems.
There are various techniques you can use to control your temper easily. Some of these anger management techniques include:


When irritated, we tend to do things without much thought. Instead of doing that, take some time to relax before reacting to circumstances that make you angry.
The best techniques for relaxing involves breathing deeply and then exhaling slowly. While doing it, think of positive things that will enable you to relieve pressure. It will assist you in calming you down and give you time to think over the situation better.
Exercises like yoga can also calm you down and help you get over your anger. Spending a few minutes doing yoga can help you get rid of the negative energy resulting from the anger.

Fix the Problem

When unresolved anger is left to accumulate, it can lead to even worse anger problems. If you’re irritated by anything, take time to resolve the problem and find peace. Did someone make you angry? Take time, talk to that person, and iron out your issues.
In case your anger originates from unachieved goals, you ought to look at what you didn’t do right and correct it for better results. Plan well, if you have to, and find better ways to get the issue resolved.

Watch Your Words

The rule is never to talk back when you are angry. When enraged, getting into an argument will only put you into more trouble because you’re likely to say things without putting much thought.
However, if you must talk, avoid jumping into conclusions and check on your choice of words. Using abusive words should not be an option. Similarly, words like “always” ought to be avoided. Maintaining proper communication in the thick of things, can resolve the issues and prevent anger from escalating.

Types of Anger

Knowing how to control your anger, it’s best to understand the type of anger to help you manage your temper better. You will not only know the triggers, but also the right anger management techniques. Also, if you decide to find a therapist to help you with anger management, knowing the type of anger can help you select a good therapist to cater to you. Below are some common types of anger people experience.

Physical Anger

Some people break things around them or physically harm people who wrong them when they are angry. You may also have seen people who punch a wall until their fist gets sore when annoyed. It is what we call physical anger. For the most part, physical anger is destructive and may put you into trouble. If you experience that kind of anger, you need to seek help from a therapist to learn how to control it.
Physical anger is always related to mental illness. Therapists advise using relaxation techniques to manage anger related to mental disorders. You may also opt for a doctor’s diagnosis to understand your condition better, including possible triggers and how to avoid them.

Stress Anger

Stress can make you angry. Anger resulting from stress is always expressed through panic attacks or sometimes unleashed on the object of stress. For instance, you may hit your phone against a wall when it stresses you.
Higher levels of stress can make you easily irritable and angry. So, the best way to deal with stress anger is to check on your stress levels. Try to avoid things that stress you and accumulating stress as it can cause other serious problems, like depression and personality disorders.

Retaliatory Anger

Ever been angry at someone for wronging you? People hurt us in many ways. It could be a friend failing to keep a promise or someone damaging your favorite game console on purpose. In both cases, you will experience retaliatory anger. This type of anger will make you seek revenge. While it may seem justifiable, it is always wrong and can lead to regrets.
It is best to learn to control retaliatory anger and use it productively. For instance, if a fairly new employee is promoted at your expense in the office, you ought to take that anger as motivation and work hard.

Verbal Anger

This kind of anger is intended to hurt your target emotionally. Verbal anger is manifested in the form of shouting, sarcasm, ridicule, threats, criticism, or blames. Usually, the words are impulsive, which can make you regret afterward.
You can manage verbal anger by slowing down your response when provoked. Choose your words wisely to avoid hurting the other person.

Volatile Anger

Do you know someone with a short temper? Well, people with volatile anger easily get mad over small issues. Usually, such people don’t get angry all the time. It only happens once in a while but is aggravated by something small.
Volatile anger can have negative effects on relationships and cause health problems like blood pressure and heart disease. Learning anger management techniques can help you avoid these effects.

Can a Professional Help Me Manage My Anger?

Anger can be a serious problem if you bottle it up. You shouldn’t let your anger increase to extreme levels that can affect the quality of your life. If you have a problem managing it, you should immediately seek help from a therapist.
At Calmerry, we have licensed therapists who use widespread therapy methods to help you cope with anger and to cure mental disorders. Whether it is small issues or extreme anger problems that have affected your health, we are here to assist you. Use our services today, and we’ll match you with a great therapist to help identify anger management methods ideal for you.

Kate Skurat

Kate Skurat

Licensed Mental Health Counselor | Washington, United States

Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has worked in healthcare since 2017. She primarily treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, and grief, as well as identity, relationship and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience has focused on individual and group counseling, emergency counseling and outreach. Read more