Love and sex are dissimilar things. In society, however, there are exist various perceptions of how the two relate. Some view them interchangeably and assume that love will always be present as long as sex is there. This perception can result in challenges in a relationship. Others think that the two aren’t related. They hold an opinion that even if one is absent, there would be no long-lasting impacts.
Some scientific studies have discovered that there exist asexual relations in which sex is mutually insignificant or undesired. Surprisingly, such relationships are just as fulfilling, intimate, or loving as any normal one. However, they do not experience the benefits that come with combining love with sex.
Why Love and Sex Co-Occur
Sex is essential. The reason is that with sex, the individuals partaking in it must express themselves and make compromises. You have to be in coherence with the wants of one another. An important question to ask yourselves is whether you trust each other enough to let your guards down?
Apart from the emotional benefits associated with sex, you also stand to gain some health benefits. These aid in boosting your relationship since low stress and high confidence offer the ideal environment for your love life to thrive. One thing many people do not understand when it comes to sex is that there are numerous methods of attaining physical intimacy.
Therefore, even if there isn’t a specific answer to the degree of importance of sex in a romantic relation, it is crucial. Below are 7 key reasons why sex is essential and why it goes hand in hand with love:
Cuddling After Sex Further Enhances the Relationship
Although intimacy leads to a profound linking to your companion, sex is not the only enjoyable and intimate part of the relationship. Fondling after sex encourages the formation of a more contented relationship. In other words, cuddling helps forge an intimate bond with your lover.
Other benefits of cuddling include:
- It helps to communicate emotions
- Relieves anxiety
- Reduces pain
More Intimacy Outside the Bedroom
Sexual intercourse creates feelings of intimacy. The more intimate you become in the bedroom, the closer you also become outside. The opposite holds as well. Research discovered that sex is a massive determinant of affection. Affection determines the quality and frequency of sexual activity.
Additionally, this loop is hugely beneficial to sex partners who include physical touch among their principal love languages. In case physical contact is how you give and receive love, then sex is the leading way you share your love and affection.
Love and Sex Are Complimentary
Despite many controversies, scientists have found a correlation between sex and love. In 2012, some researchers discovered that sexual libido arises from a segment of the brain that directs feelings. Both emotional intimacy and sexual desire emanate from that part.
Some people opt to have sex without love, but it can prove to be emotionally challenging. As a result, some of these individuals are unable to distinguish whether the feelings they are experiencing after sex are love. It is especially confusing if one party has these feelings when the other just wants sex with no emotional attachment.
No matter how much society tries to separate sexual activity from love, it is an impossible feat. The two are deeply intertwined. It is possible to partake in sexual intercourse devoid of any affection, but it does not result in any beneficial long-term scenarios.
On the contrary, loveless sex opens up the floodgates for numerous other challenges and emotional turmoils. Similarly, when people get into long-term intimate relationships, sex finally comes into play. The absence of one is bound to cause failure in the long run.
Love Increases Comfort and Trust to Sex
Sex short of love does not provide the type of comfort that sex with somebody you love does. When someone trusts their partner during sex, they can express themselves better.
Couples in love tend to learn each other’s rhythms and build on them. The difference with the lack of trust is always visible in casual sex. For one, individuals tend to be a little nervous. It is why, in most cases, alcohol and other drugs become involved to calm the parties down.
With love, individuals become comfortable with each other and trust each other. One doesn’t feel worried that their partner will judge them during sex, and hence they’ll be more engrossed in contributing to the experience.
Individuals in love are usually more open when it comes to sex. You can open up about your preferences to your partner. Furthermore, you will not be scared to request for what you desire. Love provides a certain level of relaxation during sex that cannot be achieved in its absence. Everyone tends to take their time and enjoy it.
Sex Alone Does Not Fill the Vacuum That Love and Sex Does
Sex with a person you do not love only provides temporary fulfilment. It is why a person will always look toward their next sexual conquest. However, if such an individual were to become part of a relationship full of love, they won’t need to seek out the next partner.
Furthermore, sex alone cannot drive a relationship. When sex is over, you have to deal with someone’s personality, something you embrace when you are in love. The attachment that love provides is what keeps individuals together, even after the sex is over. Relationships that are entirely sexual don’t last long.
Sex Adds More Meaning to a Loving Relationship
Society has lots of jokes about how sex dies after individuals get married. While they can be hilarious, it’s a problem that needs addressing in any relationship. Sex is a way a spouse shows love to the partner.
So, when a spouse doesn’t want to engage in sex, the message conveyed to the partner is that they don’t bodily desire them. It does not mean that individuals need to have sex daily to prove their love. However, you shouldn’t last months without sex when you’re in love, of course excluding some long-distance relationships.
When spouses don’t have sex, partners tend to feel unfulfilled. So, they have to seek it from elsewhere, which can raise the issue of temptation to engage in extramarital affairs. Even when it doesn’t get to that point, partners start losing trust in the relationship, and even self-esteem lowers.
Sex Enhances the Feelings of Love
In an intimate relation, partners who engage in sex more often tend to love each other more. Many couples engage in “pillow talks” after sex. It results in more self-disclosure, which increases closeness and relationship satisfaction.
What Happens When the Two Are Disconnected?
Many argue that love and sex are strongly interconnected because of the things that occur when you separate the two. Some of these things include:
Emotional Emptiness
People who indulge in sex without any love seem to always look for more. The reason is that sex alone does not meet their full requirements, and it often occurs subconsciously. Such people are left empty and have more sex to fill that emptiness. It becomes an unfulfilling cycle of endless sex to feel complete.
Confusing Experiences
In case you believe that physical intimacy and love are the same and not merely connected, you might begin seeking sexual encounters in search of love thinking that you will eventually find it through sex. Such thoughts will set you up for emotional damage since you will emotionally connect with the individuals you have sex with expecting to experience love. Though they are linked, they are dissimilar.
You May Use Others or Get Used
Individuals in a loving relationship have similar aspirations. Their sexual relations are meaningful, and each party wants to satisfy the other both within and out of the bedroom. However, without love, sex is selfish. People are either seeking love or just to quench their sexual thirst. None cares about the desires of the other.
Collapse of the Relationship
It is a daunting task to sustain a romantic relationship in the long run, devoid of sexual activity. In case you’ve been in a relationship for years and feel that sex is no longer that significant, you could be wrong. There is a likelihood that your partner doesn’t feel the same.
How to Get Help and Why It Is Vital
Are you facing issues in your sex and love life? Since love and sex are inseparable, encountering hurdles in one of them will affect the other. Therefore, it is imperative to seek help from professional therapists. Such experts can be found online as well as in traditional offices.
Counselors will aid you to make things turn around before they get worse. Besides, sex or love therapists are highly trained individuals and have a certain awareness of sexuality that rises above personal experiences and opinions. Therefore, they have multiple choices of treating a specific issue when you present it.
Summing Up
Love and sex co-exist. They are deeply connected that the absence of one leads to undesirable lasting impacts. Combing the two leads to many benefits.
Remember that:
- Sexual intercourse creates feelings of intimacy, and the more intimate you become in the bedroom, the closer you also become close outside
- Without love, sex becomes selfish: you will just engage in it to quench your sexual thirst
- When you encounter issues in your sex and love life, a professional therapist will help you solve them
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Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has worked in healthcare since 2017. She primarily treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, and grief, as well as identity, relationship and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience has focused on individual and group counseling, emergency counseling and outreach.
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