Reasons Why People May Hate their Fathers

father
October 30, 2020

Most people who struggle with finding why they hate their father know that something is wrong with their relationship. It is important for people to be in touch with their emotions, and feelings as this make a major part of mental health. The strained relationship between parents and their children is not uncommon today. It is important to address this concern, especially if you can’t stop thinking, “I hate my father.” It is not about feeling guilty, but more about taking responsibility towards healing, and letting go. The right answer starts with first understanding why you feel the way you do. It is also possible not to have such strong hate feeling towards your dad, but understanding that something is amiss is the first step to fixing the issue. There are several reasons why one may feel like they have no relationship with their parents, including those mentioned below.

A Lack of Connection

Most kids will feel disconnected from their fathers, especially when they are already adults. It develops earlier in life, mostly because fathers are busy pursuing careers, and they have little to no time to spend with their kids. It is even worse when he abandoned you completely. It can be confusing to feel angry, distant, and have a deep sense of resentment towards him. Most kids need their parents to be present and play a role in raising them, no matter how busy they are. When a father fails to do it, the child ends up feeling let down.

The societal expectation is that women take an emotional approach to raising the children, while fathers are meant to be more practical. The same society expects fathers to be providers and take a disciplinarian role. Regardless of the societal perspective on the roles of each parent, it is important for the kids to feel that both parents play a significant role in raising them. Consequently, the children should be able to relate with their father.

Unfortunately, because of the societal expectations and set standards, most fathers tend to comply with some of the set standards pushing them to be emotionally withdrawn, unnecessarily tough, and emotionally disconnected. While society may expect such behaviors, they tend to be damaging and have far-reaching consequences.

The reality is that anyone can easily become a parent because no preparation or certification is required to make one a parent. Unfortunately, becoming a parent does not necessarily guarantee excellence in the area. While it should not be a reason to excuse ill-prepared parents for not playing their role effectively, it does explain why some fathers are withdrawn. Kids tend to suffer when their fathers are not available, especially during their formative years.Most people who struggle with finding why they hate their father know that something is wrong with their relationship. It is important for people to be in touch with their emotions, and feelings as this make a major part of mental health. The strained relationship between parents and their children is not uncommon today. It is important to address this concern, especially if you can’t stop thinking, “I hate my father.” It is not about feeling guilty, but more about taking responsibility towards healing, and letting go. The right answer starts with first understanding why you feel the way you do. It is also possible not to have such strong hate feeling towards your dad, but understanding that something is amiss is the first step to fixing the issue. There are several reasons why one may feel like they have no relationship with their parents, including those mentioned below.

A Lack of Connection

Most kids will feel disconnected from their fathers, especially when they are already adults. It develops earlier in life, mostly because fathers are busy pursuing careers, and they have little to no time to spend with their kids. It is even worse when he abandoned you completely. It can be confusing to feel angry, distant, and have a deep sense of resentment towards him. Most kids need their parents to be present and play a role in raising them, no matter how busy they are. When a father fails to do it, the child ends up feeling let down.

The societal expectation is that women take an emotional approach to raising the children, while fathers are meant to be more practical. The same society expects fathers to be providers and take a disciplinarian role. Regardless of the societal perspective on the roles of each parent, it is important for the kids to feel that both parents play a significant role in raising them. Consequently, the children should be able to relate with their father.

Unfortunately, because of the societal expectations and set standards, most fathers tend to comply with some of the set standards pushing them to be emotionally withdrawn, unnecessarily tough, and emotionally disconnected. While society may expect such behaviors, they tend to be damaging and have far-reaching consequences.

The reality is that anyone can easily become a parent because no preparation or certification is required to make one a parent. Unfortunately, becoming a parent does not necessarily guarantee excellence in the area. While it should not be a reason to excuse ill-prepared parents for not playing their role effectively, it does explain why some fathers are withdrawn. Kids tend to suffer when their fathers are not available, especially during their formative years.

Inflicting Pain When Young

A father who hurts his children when they are young and tender will have issues as they grow. Most children literally depend on their parents, which means that they are going to accept the responsibility of their failed parents. Children need their parents to take care of all their needs, from emotional to physical needs. Children need unconditional love for them to grow feeling safe and accepted.

Unfortunately, not all fathers know how to do that. Consequently, they end up hurting their kids physically and emotionally, causing them to develop hatred feelings. Sadly, emotional damage can be as equally harmful just as the physical harm with the only difference being that it is not tangible. Just because the damage cannot be seen physically does not make it any less damaging. Many adults today move around with unresolved emotional issues because of emotionally abusive parents who leave them scarred for life.

People Talked Down on Him

Sometimes people treat others the way they do because of their personal experiences. It is important to understand what may have happened to your father to cause them to behave the way he does. That is the first step to resolving the issues. Your father may reveal a lot about his previous experience of how he has been treated. Rather than judge him harshly, it helps to know where he is coming from. Most kids believe the negative perceptions portrayed by people trying to put their dad down. You do not have to hate your dad on these grounds because the treatment may be biased.

Failure to Deal with Teen Rebellion

Most kids suffer teen rebellion at some point in their lives. While this is a natural stage that must be allowed to happen, it should not go out of hand. However, it is crucial to handle the stage properly and not use too much force because you may attract enmity and hatred with the teenager. Parents should appreciate the challenges of the stage and not take things personally. Instead, parents should guide the teens to embrace the independence and freedom they are seeking, without jeopardizing considering the consequences.

Parents should tone down on the authoritative approach and work on making the teens feel accepted and allowed to be independent. Instead of taking an authoritarian approach, parents should consider being more accommodating and understanding. When parents are too strict, kids then to drift away more.

Hurting Someone You Love

Kids are protective of their mothers. An abusive father who hurts their mother appears as an enemy to them, and they start thinking, “I hate my father.” The child will also react in the same manner if the father hurts someone else they consider important. Kids hardly feel safe when they witness their mothers suffering under the hands of their father. What’s more, healthy mothers will also promote a healthy relationship between their kids and their fathers.

Some kids are hurt because their fathers failed to spend enough time with them. Fortunately, it is easy and possible to heal from the feeling of hurt and hatred. It may require attending a few therapy sessions. It is not healthy to hold onto the hurt and hatred associated with the neglect you may have felt as a young kid. Fathers can get closer to their children when they are helped.

Kate Skurat

Kate Skurat

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Washington, United States

Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has worked in healthcare since 2017. She primarily treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, and grief, as well as identity, relationship and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience has focused on individual and group counseling, emergency counseling and outreach. Read more.

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