I feel like my therapist and I are on the same page. She is kind and super helpful and gives me new ways to think about things. I feel I’m improving. I still experience OCD but I’m no longer fighting it.
Posted Under:
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string(9722) "There is a common misconception that domestic violence equates direct physical abuse. Many people presume that if someone has not been physically abused, then they can’t be called a domestic violence survivor. Because of this narrow view of domestic violence, the insidious and far-reaching effects of other kinds of abuse can sometimes go unacknowledged. Recognizing the importance of emotional abuse therapy is essential in addressing the holistic impact of domestic violence.
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence, which is also commonly referred to as domestic abuse or intimate partner violence occurs between people in an intimate relationship. It can happen to anyone of any race, age, gender, or sexual orientation and regardless of their social, educational, or financial status.
Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship when the abuser tries to gain or maintain control over the victim. Domestic violence takes place because abusive behavior is a deliberate choice of an abusive person. Abusers control their behavior all the time – they carefully choose whom, when, and where to abuse.
Not all abusive relationships involve physical violence. Abuse can take many forms, including also sexual, psychological, economic abuse, stalking, and threats of abuse. Emotional or verbal abuse is domestic violence as well.
Identifying the signs of domestic violence isn’t always easy because they don’t always appear right away. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abusers often try to hide this part of themselves at first and may seem very attentive and protective. Abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time.
Being in abusive relationships can destroy your self-esteem, make you feel helpless, and lead to depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. In some cases, a victim may develop symptoms of PTSD such as flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and nightmares. It can take time and often professional help in a form of domestic violence counseling to overcome these negative consequences.
Everyone deserves to feel valued, respected and safe, so abusive behavior is never acceptable in any relationship. But the danger of toxic relationships is that the abuse can be subtle and continue for years or even decades before someone realizes what’s going on.
Recognizing that your relationship is abusive is the first step to breaking free. Here are some subtle signs of domestic violence in relationships that don't include physical abuse.
[subscribe-form]
Isolating a partner from friends and family
It’s an early warning sign of domestic violence. An abusive partner may prevent or discourage you from visiting your friends and family alone and doing activities that you enjoy. They may always insist on accompanying you elsewhere and try to keep you from socializing.
For example, when you have plans to go out, they may beg you not to go or come up with a distraction. Or they might say that they don't like spending time with your family or friends, and only want to hang out with you alone. They might even start claiming that your family members are controlling you or that they don’t really care about you.
An abusive person uses these tactics to isolate the victim from their support system. Then it will be easier for them to establish control.
Trying to control a partner using gaslighting tactics
It’s a common form of emotional abuse that can leave the victim to question their memory, judgments, and perception of reality. An abusive partner may try to convince you that your emotions, feelings and thoughts are wrong.
They may deny that specific events or arguments have happened or insist that you did something you didn’t. They may also deny their earlier promises, pretend they don’t understand you, and refuse to listen to you.
Gaslighting can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. Over time the person that is being gaslighted may come to question all their own thoughts and becomes even more dependent on the abuser.
Passing blame onto a partner
A person that is emotionally abusing you may deny responsibility for their own actions like cheating or yelling. They blame you for their toxic behavior or tell you that you deserve it, trying to make you feel that most things are your fault.
For example, they may point to actions that they claim you did wrong, and say that it “made them” abuse you. An abusive person may even suggest you’re the one with anger issues, or say they only lose their temper because you’re such a difficult person.
They may constantly accuse you of cheating even when they have no evidence to support this. They may even blame you for their problems when things go wrong. They might say their life would be better if only you’ve been a more supportive partner.
Your partner tries to control your actions
It may start with something that isn’t abusive at all and just seems like a normal relationship behavior when a person is caring. But over time, it builds into a pattern of control where an abusive partner wants to know where you are, who you are with, and what you're doing at all times.
They may constantly check in with you and ask what you’re doing and insist you respond to calls or texts immediately. They expect that you can be reachable at any point so not answering a phone can become a big deal.
They may demand your passwords to spy on you digitally and regularly check your emails, browsing history, texts, and call logs. They might even tell you what to wear, what and how much to eat, how to clean the house, or which people you can spend time with.
Passive-aggressive tactics
Passive-aggressive comments and behaviors can be early warning signs that someone may become emotionally abusive. A passive-aggressive husband may use such tactics to exert their control over situations in a less direct or recognizable way.
Some passive-aggressive behaviors include:
Procrastinating when you’ve asked them to do something
Making excuses rather than saying what is on their mind
[improve-banner]
Final thought
Non-physical domestic violence can harm a person mentally, emotionally and psychologically. If these warning signs are all too familiar, you should know that the abuse that is happening to you is not your fault, and you don’t have to live with it. Remember: no one deserves to be abused. Still, the only way to break the emotional abuse cycle is to take action so you can get the support you need.
Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it's a trusted friend, family member, neighbor, coworker, or another close contact. Reach out to a mental health professional, or consider seeking support from Calmerry, where discussing the experience with a therapist can help you rebuild your self-esteem that was damaged in the abusive relationship."
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string(9722) "There is a common misconception that domestic violence equates direct physical abuse. Many people presume that if someone has not been physically abused, then they can’t be called a domestic violence survivor. Because of this narrow view of domestic violence, the insidious and far-reaching effects of other kinds of abuse can sometimes go unacknowledged. Recognizing the importance of emotional abuse therapy is essential in addressing the holistic impact of domestic violence.
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence, which is also commonly referred to as domestic abuse or intimate partner violence occurs between people in an intimate relationship. It can happen to anyone of any race, age, gender, or sexual orientation and regardless of their social, educational, or financial status.
Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship when the abuser tries to gain or maintain control over the victim. Domestic violence takes place because abusive behavior is a deliberate choice of an abusive person. Abusers control their behavior all the time – they carefully choose whom, when, and where to abuse.
Not all abusive relationships involve physical violence. Abuse can take many forms, including also sexual, psychological, economic abuse, stalking, and threats of abuse. Emotional or verbal abuse is domestic violence as well.
Identifying the signs of domestic violence isn’t always easy because they don’t always appear right away. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abusers often try to hide this part of themselves at first and may seem very attentive and protective. Abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time.
Being in abusive relationships can destroy your self-esteem, make you feel helpless, and lead to depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. In some cases, a victim may develop symptoms of PTSD such as flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and nightmares. It can take time and often professional help in a form of domestic violence counseling to overcome these negative consequences.
Everyone deserves to feel valued, respected and safe, so abusive behavior is never acceptable in any relationship. But the danger of toxic relationships is that the abuse can be subtle and continue for years or even decades before someone realizes what’s going on.
Recognizing that your relationship is abusive is the first step to breaking free. Here are some subtle signs of domestic violence in relationships that don't include physical abuse.
[subscribe-form]
Isolating a partner from friends and family
It’s an early warning sign of domestic violence. An abusive partner may prevent or discourage you from visiting your friends and family alone and doing activities that you enjoy. They may always insist on accompanying you elsewhere and try to keep you from socializing.
For example, when you have plans to go out, they may beg you not to go or come up with a distraction. Or they might say that they don't like spending time with your family or friends, and only want to hang out with you alone. They might even start claiming that your family members are controlling you or that they don’t really care about you.
An abusive person uses these tactics to isolate the victim from their support system. Then it will be easier for them to establish control.
Trying to control a partner using gaslighting tactics
It’s a common form of emotional abuse that can leave the victim to question their memory, judgments, and perception of reality. An abusive partner may try to convince you that your emotions, feelings and thoughts are wrong.
They may deny that specific events or arguments have happened or insist that you did something you didn’t. They may also deny their earlier promises, pretend they don’t understand you, and refuse to listen to you.
Gaslighting can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. Over time the person that is being gaslighted may come to question all their own thoughts and becomes even more dependent on the abuser.
Passing blame onto a partner
A person that is emotionally abusing you may deny responsibility for their own actions like cheating or yelling. They blame you for their toxic behavior or tell you that you deserve it, trying to make you feel that most things are your fault.
For example, they may point to actions that they claim you did wrong, and say that it “made them” abuse you. An abusive person may even suggest you’re the one with anger issues, or say they only lose their temper because you’re such a difficult person.
They may constantly accuse you of cheating even when they have no evidence to support this. They may even blame you for their problems when things go wrong. They might say their life would be better if only you’ve been a more supportive partner.
Your partner tries to control your actions
It may start with something that isn’t abusive at all and just seems like a normal relationship behavior when a person is caring. But over time, it builds into a pattern of control where an abusive partner wants to know where you are, who you are with, and what you're doing at all times.
They may constantly check in with you and ask what you’re doing and insist you respond to calls or texts immediately. They expect that you can be reachable at any point so not answering a phone can become a big deal.
They may demand your passwords to spy on you digitally and regularly check your emails, browsing history, texts, and call logs. They might even tell you what to wear, what and how much to eat, how to clean the house, or which people you can spend time with.
Passive-aggressive tactics
Passive-aggressive comments and behaviors can be early warning signs that someone may become emotionally abusive. A passive-aggressive husband may use such tactics to exert their control over situations in a less direct or recognizable way.
Some passive-aggressive behaviors include:
Procrastinating when you’ve asked them to do something
Making excuses rather than saying what is on their mind
[improve-banner]
Final thought
Non-physical domestic violence can harm a person mentally, emotionally and psychologically. If these warning signs are all too familiar, you should know that the abuse that is happening to you is not your fault, and you don’t have to live with it. Remember: no one deserves to be abused. Still, the only way to break the emotional abuse cycle is to take action so you can get the support you need.
Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it's a trusted friend, family member, neighbor, coworker, or another close contact. Reach out to a mental health professional, or consider seeking support from Calmerry, where discussing the experience with a therapist can help you rebuild your self-esteem that was damaged in the abusive relationship."
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Before going to see a therapist, people may have some fear of reaching out for help. They worry about sharing their deepest emotions with someone new, and they may worry about being judged or sharing embarrassing information during a therapy session.
So, does therapy make you vulnerable? The answer to that is yes. Attending therapy requires a certain degree of vulnerability. Ultimately, opening up to a therapist helps you to heal and overcome emotions, trauma, or mental health issues brought you to therapy in the first place.
[highlight]If you’re struggling with the need to be vulnerable in therapy[/highlight], here are some strategies you can use to make the process easier.
What does it mean to be vulnerable in therapy?
Before learning about strategies for overcoming a fear of vulnerability, it’s important to understand what it means to be vulnerable with your therapist.
A recent report in the Canadian Medical Association Journal described vulnerability as a situation in which someone could potentially experience physical or emotional harm.[external id="1"]
So, what does vulnerability mean when it comes to therapy? In therapy, being vulnerable means exposing aspects of yourself that could be emotionally challenging to share with others.
Vulnerability in therapy means that you are sharing private, potentially embarrassing, details of your life with your therapist. Doing so makes you vulnerable because it opens you up to judgment from others.
Learning to cope with feeling vulnerable after therapy
Feeling vulnerable is a natural response to opening up in therapy, and it’s important to maintain a certain degree of vulnerability so you can explore your emotions and experience the growth that comes from working with a therapist.
That being said, it can be uncomfortable to maintain your vulnerability during therapy sessions.
If you’re struggling with feeling vulnerable in response to therapy, the following strategies may ease some of your discomfort.
Remember the role of your therapist
It’s natural to worry about opening up to a stranger, but you may be more comfortable if you remind yourself of your therapist’s role. A therapist or counselor must create positive working relationships with clients in distress, and this is achieved primarily through strong interpersonal skills.[external id="2"]
Therapists are able to facilitate strong working relationships with their clients through showing empathy and positive regard. This means that therapists can place themselves in a client’s shoes, and they maintain unconditional respect and caring for clients, regardless of what the clients may share in therapy.
In fact, a therapist who shows positive regard and empathy is likely to have a more positive effect on clients.
If you have difficulty with the concept of feeling vulnerable in therapy, and you have a difficult time opening up on an ongoing basis, [highlight]remember that your therapist is not there to pass judgment[/highlight].
They aim to create a safe setting, in which you can be honest and share your deepest concerns, experiences, and emotions.
Develop positive coping skills
Feeling vulnerable after therapy may mean that you sometimes find appointments with your therapist to be stressful. Developing healthy coping skills can go a long way toward making vulnerability a little easier to manage.
For instance, you may decide that you need to take some time for self-care after appointments. This may mean meeting up with a friend for coffee, taking a walk or jog around the block, or simply doing something mindless like flipping through the pages of a magazine.
Setting boundaries is also a healthy coping skill that can help you become more comfortable with vulnerability in therapy. What this means is that you may have to take on fewer tasks, especially on the days when you have a therapy appointment.
You might consider scheduling appointments later in the day after you’ve already fulfilled most of your obligations.
It can also be helpful to give yourself some time to emotionally process after an appointment. This can mean setting a boundary, and saying no to extra commitments or evening activities on therapy days.
Choose the right therapist
Having a therapist you connect with is perhaps the largest determining factor when it comes to whether or not you will be comfortable with being vulnerable.
Your therapist should take the time to build a strong relationship with you, and [highlight]you should feel at ease in your therapy sessions[/highlight]. The therapist should explain what you can expect in therapy, and you should feel as if you can trust them to be nonjudgmental and keep your story confidential.
It is helpful if you do some research before selecting a therapist. You might consider recommendations from people you know, or explore online information about therapists in your area to find one who seems to be a good fit.
Most therapists provide brief autobiographies on their website, so you can learn more about their treatment philosophies and decide whether a particular clinician is a good match for your needs and preferences.
If you’ve gone to a few sessions and it seems you just aren’t on the same wavelength, it may be time to look for a different therapist.
Practice being vulnerable
If you’re not accustomed to opening up to other people, it can take some practice before you’re comfortable being vulnerable with your therapist. With practice, you’ll notice that sharing your emotions becomes more natural.
You can begin by taking the opportunity to communicate your feelings to your therapist.
If there is something going on in your life that is bothering you or causing distress, practice sharing the specific feeling surrounding the situation. Maybe you’re feeling hurt by your significant other’s behavior, or maybe you’re feeling as if your efforts at work aren’t appreciated.
Whatever it is, communicating exactly what you’re feeling is the first step in being vulnerable.
Consider online therapy
Telemental health, or online therapy, is becoming increasingly popular, and this may be a suitable option for those who struggle with feeling vulnerable after therapy.
An online session allows you to meet with a therapist from the comfort and privacy of home, which may ease some of your fear and make you more comfortable with the process.
Research has supported online therapy as an effective method for patients with mental or emotional health conditions. In fact, a recent research found that clients receiving online therapy reported a strong alliance with their therapists, despite receiving treatment online rather than face-to-face.[external id="3"]
If you choose online therapy, you can still expect your therapist to have strong skills, including the ability to show empathy and build a trusting relationship with you.
Final thoughts
Feeling vulnerable after therapy is okay; it means you're opening up and being honest with yourself, which is part of the healing process. If you feel more comfortable opening up in an online setting, Calmerry is here to help.
Our certified specialists offer online therapies to treat a variety of problems, including anxiety, grief, and family conflict.
Taking care of yourself is important, and sometimes that means asking for help. Don't be afraid to reach out—your mental health matters.
Before going to see a therapist, people may have some fear of reaching out for help. They worry about sharing their deepest emotions with someone new, and they may worry about being judged or sharing embarrassing information during a therapy session.
So, does therapy make you vulnerable? The answer to that is yes. Attending therapy requires a certain degree of vulnerability. Ultimately, opening up to a therapist helps you to heal and overcome emotions, trauma, or mental health issues brought you to therapy in the first place.
[highlight]If you’re struggling with the need to be vulnerable in therapy[/highlight], here are some strategies you can use to make the process easier.
What does it mean to be vulnerable in therapy?
Before learning about strategies for overcoming a fear of vulnerability, it’s important to understand what it means to be vulnerable with your therapist.
A recent report in the Canadian Medical Association Journal described vulnerability as a situation in which someone could potentially experience physical or emotional harm.[external id="1"]
So, what does vulnerability mean when it comes to therapy? In therapy, being vulnerable means exposing aspects of yourself that could be emotionally challenging to share with others.
Vulnerability in therapy means that you are sharing private, potentially embarrassing, details of your life with your therapist. Doing so makes you vulnerable because it opens you up to judgment from others.
Learning to cope with feeling vulnerable after therapy
Feeling vulnerable is a natural response to opening up in therapy, and it’s important to maintain a certain degree of vulnerability so you can explore your emotions and experience the growth that comes from working with a therapist.
That being said, it can be uncomfortable to maintain your vulnerability during therapy sessions.
If you’re struggling with feeling vulnerable in response to therapy, the following strategies may ease some of your discomfort.
Remember the role of your therapist
It’s natural to worry about opening up to a stranger, but you may be more comfortable if you remind yourself of your therapist’s role. A therapist or counselor must create positive working relationships with clients in distress, and this is achieved primarily through strong interpersonal skills.[external id="2"]
Therapists are able to facilitate strong working relationships with their clients through showing empathy and positive regard. This means that therapists can place themselves in a client’s shoes, and they maintain unconditional respect and caring for clients, regardless of what the clients may share in therapy.
In fact, a therapist who shows positive regard and empathy is likely to have a more positive effect on clients.
If you have difficulty with the concept of feeling vulnerable in therapy, and you have a difficult time opening up on an ongoing basis, [highlight]remember that your therapist is not there to pass judgment[/highlight].
They aim to create a safe setting, in which you can be honest and share your deepest concerns, experiences, and emotions.
Develop positive coping skills
Feeling vulnerable after therapy may mean that you sometimes find appointments with your therapist to be stressful. Developing healthy coping skills can go a long way toward making vulnerability a little easier to manage.
For instance, you may decide that you need to take some time for self-care after appointments. This may mean meeting up with a friend for coffee, taking a walk or jog around the block, or simply doing something mindless like flipping through the pages of a magazine.
Setting boundaries is also a healthy coping skill that can help you become more comfortable with vulnerability in therapy. What this means is that you may have to take on fewer tasks, especially on the days when you have a therapy appointment.
You might consider scheduling appointments later in the day after you’ve already fulfilled most of your obligations.
It can also be helpful to give yourself some time to emotionally process after an appointment. This can mean setting a boundary, and saying no to extra commitments or evening activities on therapy days.
Choose the right therapist
Having a therapist you connect with is perhaps the largest determining factor when it comes to whether or not you will be comfortable with being vulnerable.
Your therapist should take the time to build a strong relationship with you, and [highlight]you should feel at ease in your therapy sessions[/highlight]. The therapist should explain what you can expect in therapy, and you should feel as if you can trust them to be nonjudgmental and keep your story confidential.
It is helpful if you do some research before selecting a therapist. You might consider recommendations from people you know, or explore online information about therapists in your area to find one who seems to be a good fit.
Most therapists provide brief autobiographies on their website, so you can learn more about their treatment philosophies and decide whether a particular clinician is a good match for your needs and preferences.
If you’ve gone to a few sessions and it seems you just aren’t on the same wavelength, it may be time to look for a different therapist.
Practice being vulnerable
If you’re not accustomed to opening up to other people, it can take some practice before you’re comfortable being vulnerable with your therapist. With practice, you’ll notice that sharing your emotions becomes more natural.
You can begin by taking the opportunity to communicate your feelings to your therapist.
If there is something going on in your life that is bothering you or causing distress, practice sharing the specific feeling surrounding the situation. Maybe you’re feeling hurt by your significant other’s behavior, or maybe you’re feeling as if your efforts at work aren’t appreciated.
Whatever it is, communicating exactly what you’re feeling is the first step in being vulnerable.
Consider online therapy
Telemental health, or online therapy, is becoming increasingly popular, and this may be a suitable option for those who struggle with feeling vulnerable after therapy.
An online session allows you to meet with a therapist from the comfort and privacy of home, which may ease some of your fear and make you more comfortable with the process.
Research has supported online therapy as an effective method for patients with mental or emotional health conditions. In fact, a recent research found that clients receiving online therapy reported a strong alliance with their therapists, despite receiving treatment online rather than face-to-face.[external id="3"]
If you choose online therapy, you can still expect your therapist to have strong skills, including the ability to show empathy and build a trusting relationship with you.
Final thoughts
Feeling vulnerable after therapy is okay; it means you're opening up and being honest with yourself, which is part of the healing process. If you feel more comfortable opening up in an online setting, Calmerry is here to help.
Our certified specialists offer online therapies to treat a variety of problems, including anxiety, grief, and family conflict.
Taking care of yourself is important, and sometimes that means asking for help. Don't be afraid to reach out—your mental health matters.
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string(13550) "You’ll always be your parents’ child, but your parents won’t always be your caregivers. At some point, it’s natural for roles to reverse a little.
And even though your old parents might not need daily care, yousa might have to give them more attention than before, which can be stressful to cope with.
Here’s how to deal with aging parents, the challenges you may face, and tips on taking care of yourself.
How do you know you should become more involved in your parents’ life?
In some cases, you might know when to step in straight away. For example, your elder parent might have had an accident and now needs help with daily tasks. Or they might have received a new diagnosis.
In other cases, the change is more gradual: a parent might slowly become withdrawn from their social circles and go through cognitive and physical changes that prevent them from being as functional as they used to be.
Each scenario requires slightly different adjustments to your routine but comes with the same challenges: you have to devote more time to your parent. And your stress level might increase.
Caring for elderly parents might make you lose patience even if you’re usually a calm person – and it’s totally normal. However, to prevent your relationship from getting worse and keep your mental health at bay, it’s important to learn how to cope.
[subscribe-form]
Tips on how to deal with aging parents
No one looks forward to getting old, and some people are even afraid of it. When your parents reach retirement age, they might not only develop health issues but also become more stubborn and dependent on you than usual.
Here are a few tips on how to deal with this new dynamic.
Understand the cause
Interacting with an aging parent takes a lot of patience. They might not listen to what you have to say, become more demanding, and you might have to repeat yourself many times before they even take notice.
However, giving in to anger or frustration can lead to family conflicts and make caring for your parent even more challenging. This is why you should try to understand the cause behind their behavior.
Having more awareness can help you stay calm and focus on finding solutions.
When dealing with aging parents who act difficult, it’s helpful to remind yourself that getting older isn’t easy for anyone. By the time we retire, we might have to deal with chronic pain, go through a divorce or feel a sense of regret because our life is not turning out the way we expected.
Your elder parent is forced to accept that they’re losing loved ones and are no longer capable of doing their job, which is often an upsetting and lonely experience.
All these changes can make your parent more vulnerable, and the fear often explains their difficult behavior. For example, if your mother doesn’t want to see a doctor, it might be because they’re worried their condition has worsened. And if your father doesn’t want you to hire a carer, they might be afraid of interacting with a stranger or being forgotten by the rest of the family.
So, when your parent’s behavior feels overwhelming, try to put yourself in their shoes first.
And if your parent’s behavior stems from an underlying medical condition, it’s a good idea to learn more about it. You can look it up online and join support groups for children of parents with the same issue.
However, if there’s anything that concerns you or anything you’re unsure about, it’s worth consulting a doctor first.
Make improvements where possible
Dealing with aging parents might be frustrating when they refuse help, act difficult, or when you have too many responsibilities of your own. But once you’ve managed to narrow their behavior down to potential causes, it will be easier to come up with a plan to improve the comfort of your and their life.
For example, if your parent is irritable because they spend all day on their own and miss going to work, encourage them to join senior groups that can help them broaden their social network and get them involved in new activities.
If they worry about becoming a burden, spend quality time with them that doesn’t just involve helping them with daily tasks and running their errands.
You can also make sure that your siblings commit to some of the caring responsibilities so that your parent doesn’t feel like you have to make many adjustments in your routine just to look after them.
If you suspect they might have some undiagnosed health problems, make sure you encourage them to see a doctor.
Work on your communication skills
Getting your point across when talking to an aging parent might not be an easy task. An elderly person might often feel threatened when you try to convince them that they should change their habits or agree to be taken care of by a professional.
Instead of telling them what they should do, try using ‘I’ statements. For example, ‘I’m worried when you forget to eat and I think that getting a carer involved would help you remember’.
It’s also a good idea to leave difficult conversations for when your parent is in a good mood and less likely to get defensive.
Findings from the study that looked at individuals with dementia and their family show that caregivers tend to underestimate the importance of values and preferences of care that older adults report, which might lead to unnecessary conflict.
Once you learn how to be more patient and listen to your parent’s needs, you’ll notice that it becomes easier to be on good terms.
Set boundaries and know when to step back
If you remember your childhood fondly, knowing when to set boundaries with a parent might be tricky. Many people feel the pressure to return the favor and take care of their parents just the way they took care of them when they were younger.
However, just because your parents did a good job at raising you doesn’t mean that you owe them every minute of your day, especially since you have your own life and responsibilities. If your elder parent demands a lot of attention, it’s a good idea to consider what you’re happy to put up with.
For example, ask yourself if coming by for dinner collides with your schedule and how much free time you are willing to give up. Once you’ve decided what your limits are, remember to be firm. Because giving in every time your parent asks for a favor won’t help and will only encourage them to rely on you all the time.
But what if your parent suffers from dementia? It’s upsetting to witness your loved one acting difficult. But it might help to remember that dementia is an impairment that can make them do or say things they don’t always mean.
However, if your parent acts abusive you should consider hiring someone more experienced to support you.
Prioritize your health
Whether your elderly mother wants constant attention or you have a father who can’t be left on their own, it might be difficult not to feel guilty that you don’t look after them all the time.
However, putting too much energy into caring for another person might lead to carer burnout and make you more prone to anxiety and depression, which won’t help anyone in the long run.
Additionally, focusing on one area of your life will inevitably make you neglect its other aspects, such as your hobbies, your job or spending time with your partner.
If you’re struggling to limit your involvement, remind yourself that you have the right to free time, and not prioritising helping a parent doesn’t make you a bad person.
Remember that in order to help someone else, you have to help yourself first.
Accept what you can’t control
One of the reasons dealing with an elderly parent can be frustrating is that while you have their best interest in mind, they don’t always agree with your choices.
However, you have to remember that aging parents are still adults who are allowed to make their own decisions. And sometimes, there’s nothing you can do to influence them.
Find ways to decrease stress
Even if your aging parent is still capable of taking care of themselves, their decreased ability to function might still make you feel like the roles have shifted. When this happens, not everyone can adapt to the new situation well, which is why you have to remember to keep your stress at bay.
Try to include self-care in your routine. This could be any activity that promotes your well-being and helps you relax, such as having a bath, reading a book or doing yoga.
You should also make sure you have people around whom you can trust. A survey from 2015 that examined the connection between having a social support system and mental health found that people who have emotional support experience less stress than people who don’t.
Plus, it’s always helpful to have someone to vent to if things between you and your parent become difficult.
[improve-banner]
Reach out to a professional
Dealing with aging parents is extremely stressful. You might not only have to give up some of your free time but also end up worrying about their safety and often develop a sense of guilt over not giving them more attention.
Being under chronic stress can cause compassion fatigue – a state of emotional and physical exhaustion resulting from caring for another person. It can lead to a range of unpleasant symptoms, such as irritability, sleep problems, feeling emotionally detached and decreased empathy.
If left untreated, compassion fatigue might negatively affect your mental health and strain the relationship you have with your parent.
Even if you aren’t feeling overwhelmed just yet, it’s always worth reaching out to a professional who can help you take care of yourself and prevent further issues. The right therapist for you can address negative emotions you experience, help you become more assertive and improve your communication skills.
If you feel like you don’t have enough space for treatment in your schedule, consider online therapy on Calmerry which is as effective as in-person treatment but can also save you time."
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string(13550) "You’ll always be your parents’ child, but your parents won’t always be your caregivers. At some point, it’s natural for roles to reverse a little.
And even though your old parents might not need daily care, yousa might have to give them more attention than before, which can be stressful to cope with.
Here’s how to deal with aging parents, the challenges you may face, and tips on taking care of yourself.
How do you know you should become more involved in your parents’ life?
In some cases, you might know when to step in straight away. For example, your elder parent might have had an accident and now needs help with daily tasks. Or they might have received a new diagnosis.
In other cases, the change is more gradual: a parent might slowly become withdrawn from their social circles and go through cognitive and physical changes that prevent them from being as functional as they used to be.
Each scenario requires slightly different adjustments to your routine but comes with the same challenges: you have to devote more time to your parent. And your stress level might increase.
Caring for elderly parents might make you lose patience even if you’re usually a calm person – and it’s totally normal. However, to prevent your relationship from getting worse and keep your mental health at bay, it’s important to learn how to cope.
[subscribe-form]
Tips on how to deal with aging parents
No one looks forward to getting old, and some people are even afraid of it. When your parents reach retirement age, they might not only develop health issues but also become more stubborn and dependent on you than usual.
Here are a few tips on how to deal with this new dynamic.
Understand the cause
Interacting with an aging parent takes a lot of patience. They might not listen to what you have to say, become more demanding, and you might have to repeat yourself many times before they even take notice.
However, giving in to anger or frustration can lead to family conflicts and make caring for your parent even more challenging. This is why you should try to understand the cause behind their behavior.
Having more awareness can help you stay calm and focus on finding solutions.
When dealing with aging parents who act difficult, it’s helpful to remind yourself that getting older isn’t easy for anyone. By the time we retire, we might have to deal with chronic pain, go through a divorce or feel a sense of regret because our life is not turning out the way we expected.
Your elder parent is forced to accept that they’re losing loved ones and are no longer capable of doing their job, which is often an upsetting and lonely experience.
All these changes can make your parent more vulnerable, and the fear often explains their difficult behavior. For example, if your mother doesn’t want to see a doctor, it might be because they’re worried their condition has worsened. And if your father doesn’t want you to hire a carer, they might be afraid of interacting with a stranger or being forgotten by the rest of the family.
So, when your parent’s behavior feels overwhelming, try to put yourself in their shoes first.
And if your parent’s behavior stems from an underlying medical condition, it’s a good idea to learn more about it. You can look it up online and join support groups for children of parents with the same issue.
However, if there’s anything that concerns you or anything you’re unsure about, it’s worth consulting a doctor first.
Make improvements where possible
Dealing with aging parents might be frustrating when they refuse help, act difficult, or when you have too many responsibilities of your own. But once you’ve managed to narrow their behavior down to potential causes, it will be easier to come up with a plan to improve the comfort of your and their life.
For example, if your parent is irritable because they spend all day on their own and miss going to work, encourage them to join senior groups that can help them broaden their social network and get them involved in new activities.
If they worry about becoming a burden, spend quality time with them that doesn’t just involve helping them with daily tasks and running their errands.
You can also make sure that your siblings commit to some of the caring responsibilities so that your parent doesn’t feel like you have to make many adjustments in your routine just to look after them.
If you suspect they might have some undiagnosed health problems, make sure you encourage them to see a doctor.
Work on your communication skills
Getting your point across when talking to an aging parent might not be an easy task. An elderly person might often feel threatened when you try to convince them that they should change their habits or agree to be taken care of by a professional.
Instead of telling them what they should do, try using ‘I’ statements. For example, ‘I’m worried when you forget to eat and I think that getting a carer involved would help you remember’.
It’s also a good idea to leave difficult conversations for when your parent is in a good mood and less likely to get defensive.
Findings from the study that looked at individuals with dementia and their family show that caregivers tend to underestimate the importance of values and preferences of care that older adults report, which might lead to unnecessary conflict.
Once you learn how to be more patient and listen to your parent’s needs, you’ll notice that it becomes easier to be on good terms.
Set boundaries and know when to step back
If you remember your childhood fondly, knowing when to set boundaries with a parent might be tricky. Many people feel the pressure to return the favor and take care of their parents just the way they took care of them when they were younger.
However, just because your parents did a good job at raising you doesn’t mean that you owe them every minute of your day, especially since you have your own life and responsibilities. If your elder parent demands a lot of attention, it’s a good idea to consider what you’re happy to put up with.
For example, ask yourself if coming by for dinner collides with your schedule and how much free time you are willing to give up. Once you’ve decided what your limits are, remember to be firm. Because giving in every time your parent asks for a favor won’t help and will only encourage them to rely on you all the time.
But what if your parent suffers from dementia? It’s upsetting to witness your loved one acting difficult. But it might help to remember that dementia is an impairment that can make them do or say things they don’t always mean.
However, if your parent acts abusive you should consider hiring someone more experienced to support you.
Prioritize your health
Whether your elderly mother wants constant attention or you have a father who can’t be left on their own, it might be difficult not to feel guilty that you don’t look after them all the time.
However, putting too much energy into caring for another person might lead to carer burnout and make you more prone to anxiety and depression, which won’t help anyone in the long run.
Additionally, focusing on one area of your life will inevitably make you neglect its other aspects, such as your hobbies, your job or spending time with your partner.
If you’re struggling to limit your involvement, remind yourself that you have the right to free time, and not prioritising helping a parent doesn’t make you a bad person.
Remember that in order to help someone else, you have to help yourself first.
Accept what you can’t control
One of the reasons dealing with an elderly parent can be frustrating is that while you have their best interest in mind, they don’t always agree with your choices.
However, you have to remember that aging parents are still adults who are allowed to make their own decisions. And sometimes, there’s nothing you can do to influence them.
Find ways to decrease stress
Even if your aging parent is still capable of taking care of themselves, their decreased ability to function might still make you feel like the roles have shifted. When this happens, not everyone can adapt to the new situation well, which is why you have to remember to keep your stress at bay.
Try to include self-care in your routine. This could be any activity that promotes your well-being and helps you relax, such as having a bath, reading a book or doing yoga.
You should also make sure you have people around whom you can trust. A survey from 2015 that examined the connection between having a social support system and mental health found that people who have emotional support experience less stress than people who don’t.
Plus, it’s always helpful to have someone to vent to if things between you and your parent become difficult.
[improve-banner]
Reach out to a professional
Dealing with aging parents is extremely stressful. You might not only have to give up some of your free time but also end up worrying about their safety and often develop a sense of guilt over not giving them more attention.
Being under chronic stress can cause compassion fatigue – a state of emotional and physical exhaustion resulting from caring for another person. It can lead to a range of unpleasant symptoms, such as irritability, sleep problems, feeling emotionally detached and decreased empathy.
If left untreated, compassion fatigue might negatively affect your mental health and strain the relationship you have with your parent.
Even if you aren’t feeling overwhelmed just yet, it’s always worth reaching out to a professional who can help you take care of yourself and prevent further issues. The right therapist for you can address negative emotions you experience, help you become more assertive and improve your communication skills.
If you feel like you don’t have enough space for treatment in your schedule, consider online therapy on Calmerry which is as effective as in-person treatment but can also save you time."
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